Special Drivel

  • House Begins Debate on 'The Simple Market Insurance LifeCare Act' (SMILE) a.k.a. Trumpcare

    “We are happy to announce we have a successor to ‘Obamacare,’” Speaker of the House Paul Ryan (R-Wisconsin) said on the House floor this morning. “It's called SMILE, although we’ve just been calling it ‘Trumpcare’ for short, even though that's slightly longer." Read More +
  • NASA Admits ‘The Math Was Very Hard’ Discussing Latest Satellite Explosion

    Today NASA spokesman Jim Jameson told reporters, during a hastily prepared press conference, that “the math… was much, much harder than we theorized” as he discussed the latest of seven satellite explosions, costing nearly $3.1 billion. Read More +
  • Pope Francis Gives Hope to Refugees, Describes ‘Extreme Heavenly Vetting’ on ‘Lutherans’

    Today Pope Francis told the assembled poor and displaced that god "holds you in his great hands" and would "try His very best to do good things for you, despite putting you through endless misery, including poverty, famine, and death. Read More +
  • President Rates His First Few Weeks as 'Excellent,' America 'God**mn Lucky' to Have Him

    President Donald Trump praised himself today for doing an "excellent" job during his first month in office, said "America, you are god**mn lucky to have me," and commented on "Koala Lemur" [sic] [Kuala Lumpur] "where those little bears are, very cute." Read More +
  • Trump Tweets "So-called CIA evidence" of Russian Ties

    WASHINGTON - Early this morning President Trump tweeted what he claimed was the "evidence" that the C.I.A. presented him showing his administration's ties to Russian intelligence operatives, in the form of two hastily doctored photographs with the President's name clearly visible in the image properties. Read More +
  • New 'Bowling Green Massacre' Movie Greenlit by Fox

    Twentieth-Century Fox announced today that it was greenlighting a film about the infamously nonexistent Bowling Green Massacre, where two Iranian nationals failed to blow up dozens of people using improvised exploding devices in Bowling Green, Kentucky. Read More +
  • Pitching History, One Show At A Time

    An ambitious television writer pitches a newly established History channel executive on some innovative programming that has nothing to do with history. Read More +
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