The Editor's Mess

I mean seriously, this weather is out of control!  It's so bad here that police are taking 10 minutes or more to respond to a school shooting what with the pouring rain and tornados.  Talk about crazy huh?

Seriously what's with the weather!Even when it's sunny out, it's like 900 degrees with 4,000% humidity!  Yeah I'm pretty sure that's physically impossible, but definitely what it feels like, especially when you're naked and surrounded by hot lights and teamsters. But that's another story.

And I hate this time of year too!  It used to be that when school's out, it meant it was time to get a summer job, drink too much beer and hit on co-workers.  These days my stupid boss says I can't work at Staples anymore, since I'm technically the "Regional Sales Manager for OfficeMax" (whatever!) and my wife just gets mad if I hit on Julie in copy paper anyway.  So now all I have is a house-full of unemployed children and plenty of beer.  No way I'm doing this sober.

Seriously, what's with this weather? I wish there were more summer sports too.  I like baseball, but I think all sports should be summer sports or, better yet, year round!  I'd love to see the Brewers play in eight inches of snow and watch the Packers pass out from heat exhaustion in 103 degree heat.  Now we're putting the fun back in sports!  How can you know you're REALLY alive until you've played the Master's golf tournament in -38 wind chills being pelted with blowing snow?  Makes my nipples stiff just thinking about it.

Just imagine how much more pissed off hockey players would be playing in Honolulu on melting ice struggling to see through the pouring sweat barely able to stand.  I'll show YOU high-sticking!

Like my mother always said, always look on the bright side, as long as you're not looking directly into the sun, you moron.  She was a wise woman, but kinda insulting now that I think about it.

Speaking about insulting, I just read a story about a passenger on a 737 who helped land the plane after the pilot became ill.  You'd think this was amazing, but it turns out the guy was an Air Force pilot and didn't do any flying so it doesn't really count.  Then United barely even comped his ticket.  May as well have kicked him as he left the plane.

Still it was United.

Disclaimer

Opinions, random thoughts, gestures, gesticulations, comments, bizarre rantings or anything anyone on the planet (or elsewhere) may possibly find objectionable, actionable, stupid, pointless, and/or misleadingly silly may or may not be shared by the management of IRREVERENT Publishing, LLC. Celebrity voices in the IRREVERENT Podcast are impersonated. People, products or services mentioned or depicted in IRREVERENT Magazine are referenced only for humorous or satirical comment, and are not intended to imply an endorsement of IRREVERENT nor any other product or service unless explicitly stated otherwise.