THE HAGUE - A United Nations commission was appointed today to investigate how in the hell to spell "Qadhafi" correctly.
"There are at least eight different spellings and numerous variations," said Dutch Ambassador Bjorn Denkin, who was responsible for the commission's creation. "Now that the dictator is gone, undoubtedly a number of resources will need an accepted and accurate spelling of this man's name, and we do not have that today."
The "Denkin Commission" has been chartered to study each of the Libyan dictator's spelling variations -- translated from Arabic to English -- and determine which will will be officially endorsed by the U.N. General Assembly and, more importantly, Wikipedia.
The top ten spelling variations considered so far are: Gadhafi, Qadhafi, Gaddafi, al-Gaddafi, el-Ghadafy, Khadafi, Khadaffi, Khadaffy, Qadhaffy and Khaddafy.
[inset pos=right]"I wonder why anyone would think the United Nations is irrelevant?"[/inset]"We're dealing with a real quagmire of a situation here," confessed Commissioner Julian Felix. "There's even confusion over his first name: is it Moammar, Muammar, Muahmmar or what? Is it an 'Mo' or 'Mu,' and is it 'double-m-ar,' single-m, or double-m-er or what?"
The rest of the 12 man commission, however, seems divided down two clear lines: those who strongly believe his name to be "Moammar Gadhafi," and those endorsing "Muammar al-Gaddafi." So far neither side has shown any willingness to compromise.
"The man's name is clearly Muammar al-Gaddafi," said Commissioner Stellan Viggo. "Those in our camp will NEVER compromise on this point, no matter what coercion is used on us!"
"That goes doubly for us Moammar Gadhafi-ans," said Commissioner Odette Juniper. "We will stand steadfast until blood runs in the streets!"
U.S. officials, meanwhile, have remained out of the debate for the most part. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, speaking about the Denkin Commission this week at a Washington photo-op, only said, "I wonder why anyone would think the United Nations is irrelevant?"
The Commission is widely anticipated to present it's recommendation in late Spring or early Summer 2013.
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