LOS ANGELES - Singer Michael Jackson's death-concert was standing-room only today at the Staples Center.
In the single largest media event in human history, Jackson's 4,000 lb solid gold sarcophagus was passed through the crowd, mosh-pit style, crushing a total of 19 people and injuring hundreds of others. Dead and injured alike were instant media stars.
"He fractured my skull!!!" screamed Kate Katharson, one fan who was offered a book-deal on the spot to recount her death -concert experience. "I'm bleeding internally!!!"
All major, minor, and peripheral media covered the spectacle, including bloggers, who twittered, blogged, flickr'd and facebooked the event live from the stadium in a frenzy of hip-multimediaism.
Despite the mad-house atmosphere, however, few non-sarcophagus-related injuries were reported. "We got our usual drunken morons," said Police Lieutenant Dan Danfield, "but considering the crowd, that's not bad. All in all, I'd give this particular over-hyped media event 9 out of 10 stars." With that, Lt. Danfield left to find a dark corner in which to twitter his rating via his iPhone.
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