Special Features

Special Features

How to Spot a Transvestite Cougar

Ooo la la!A cougar used to mean a wild, big blondish cat that lurked in remote parts of the United States, but also occasionally showed up in urban areas, for example late at night on a golf course near your house.

Today, the word had taken on a completely different meaning, and has gone to a sexual meaning. Every time a word in the English language changes meaning, it goes from an innocent to a sexual one. English speaking people must have sex on the brain. Maybe that’s why there are 375 million of us.

Read more: How to Spot a Transvestite Cougar

Join the Albino Party

Forget all that nonsense about creeping socialism and being a traitor because of health care when you already get Social Security and a hundred other government and state-run benefits including your driver’s license and don’t care a fig about those.

Forget that the government you now condemn as “subversive” you made a living off of, and now draw a retirement check from.

This is all about who is white.

I call for the formation of a new political party, The Albino Party.

This is a party for only the whitest of the white. Forget that human beings first started in Africa. Forget that the Roman Empire was an ad-mixture of intermixing tangled up with European, African and Mediterranean races. Forget that during the Hunnish barbarian invasions of the 5th Century,

People interbred over a shifting huge area of Asia, Africa and Europe, people who had no compunction about who was what color.

Forget it!

Read more: Join the Albino Party

Earth to Catholics!

Whoa!  That'sa spicy meata-ball!Did you know that, statistically, your child is safer left alone on a street corner than in the "safety" of a Catholic church? We, as parents, fear the loss or harm of our child above all else. You worry continually about their safety and well being, to the point of sleepless nights. We teach our children to not talk to, or accept anything from strangers. We teach them to avoid situations that can place them directly in harm's way. We routinely check websites like "Megan's Law" to be informed as to where the dangers lie. Then, you drop them off at your local church and feel that they are safe and loved.

So I have to ask you, how far up your ass does your head have to be to NOT see the inherent dangers here? How many times do we, as a society, have to hear about acts of sexual assault, molestation and rape within the Catholic church before you morons get it? Now pull your bunched panties out of your ass, and settle down. I am NOT attacking your faith, or your choice of being a dutiful Catholic. I am attacking your idiocy as a parent. How is it, that after this many years and incidents of gross negligence on the part of the Catholic church, that you just can not see what is right under your noses? How can you NOT see that the very structure of your religion is a breeding ground for the socially backward and deviants that lurk in the primordial ooze of our society?

Read more: Earth to Catholics!

Sarah Palin's Subconscious Interview

The following is an unauthorized biographical interview I did with Sarah Palin's subconscious.

Me - Sarah, you recently forced Obama's advisor Rahm Emanuel to apologize for using the word "retarded," saying it was an insult to your son. Was that a publicity stunt or an attempt to re-write the English language?

Sarah - How dare you?

Me - It's easy.

Sarah - Okay then. No, I did it because it's heartbreaking.

Me - But the word "retarded" is an accepted word in the English language.

Sarah - It's an insult to my son.

Me - Would you also be against the use of the words, stupid, idiot, moron, cretin and numbskull?

Sarah - Yes.

Me - Because they're an insult to your son?

Sarah - No! They're an insult to me personally.

Me - Why did you say publicly you'd consider running for the president when you've already made the decision to run because you'd like to be the first woman president so bad you can taste it?

Read more: Sarah Palin's Subconscious Interview

Bring Back the Butts

The obscene Little Racist Rascals.American television stinks. They give out awards (Emmys) for producing crap. The best thing that ever happened was the writer's strike, which partially shut down the foul industry. If only we could shut it all down.

Shows with lawyers and doctors and women who try to act and talk tough. Shows that because they lack imagination try to shock you with tepid hinted at sexual innuendo.

It's sh..'t.

We don't need writers anyway.

Let's go all the way. I've got an idea for a TV show so vulgar, so vile, so tasteless, it will be a smash hit. Once again. Bring back the Little Rascals. In prime time.

In case you haven't heard of them, the Little Rascals were a bunch of child actors in comedies in the 1930s. The show, under the guise of cute comedy, featured every type of disgusting perversion. It was X rated and at the time, nobody knew it. It was just as bad as anything you see on TV today. But it had going for it both pedophilia and butt fetishism.

I'm not kidding.

Alfalfa is always hitting on Darla (Hood). The beautiful little brunette coquette. It's an on-again off-again case of the hots. At various times, Darla is interested in studious educated Waldo, but also the neighborhood bully Butch.

She can't make up her mind whether she's into muscle (Alfalfa) or poetry (Waldo). She's into all of it. She's a nymphomaniac. She's having it with all of them.

This goes beyond a ménage a trois. This is a five-a-trios.

Read more: Bring Back the Butts


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