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BAGHEM, IRAQ - Tariq Su Persiz, spokes-sheik for the reactionary Sabra Rat'lers Brigade, LP, announced today that his organization would soon open Iraq's first KFC franchise.

Death Squad Sabra Rat'lers inked a long term agreement with KFC Monday in Iraq."The persecuted Sunni Minority, beset by Zionist enemies on one side, heretical Shi'ite thugs on the other, will now be a force to be reckoned with in a new democratic Iraq," read Sheik Persiz from a prepared statement.  "Let those who sleep like dogs with the devil enjoy the ashes of so-called 'hamburgers.' Allah has called the righteous to the Original Recipe."

Reaction to the annoucement on the Arab StreetTM was riddled with exploding IEDs, prompting Hezbollah to fire multiple rockets into the Israeli town of Verklempt in joyous celebration.  At a hastily called press conference at Hezbollah (Hizb'allah) Central Committee Headquarters Crater and Rubble Bouncing Range, spokes-sheik Falud Al-Khamanbebi expressed uncontained glee at he prospect of increased violence thanks to the creation of a new player in restaurant retail. "Once we have cleansed Palestine of the Zionist usurpers we can turn our attention to the Sunni Chicken Mongers," said the Sheik.  "It's a great day to be in the anarchic mayhem and convenience food businesses."

In Tel Aviv, Israeli reaction was typically harsh and bellicose. "We do not welcome the proliferation of Extra Crispy in this unstable region," said Ariel Bombardmentstein, spokes-rabbi for the Israeli Defense Forces. "Israel reserves the right to defend her fast food sales no matter how far they extend into sovereign territories.  We will not be denied our right to sell matzah ball soup in safety."

Japan's Nikkei opened mixed on the Sunni KFC announcement with several investors choosing an inscrutable Asian strategy. Shares of NooKum Industries, China's premier nuclear proliferation company shot up with an announcement of a deal to provide construction expertise for the Sabra Brigade's venture.

BREAKING: Al-Sadr Denounces Bombing!

SuperBowl LIV Lapdance!

A stripper pole, leather-clad dancers, and an aggressive crotch grab. Is this Harvey Weinstein's wetdream?
Not to be upstaged, J-Lo made sure audiences saw the scant fabric over her baby-maker too.
I may be wrong, but I think the choreographers for this year's half-time show were trying to tell us something....
Yes, she's a mother of 4 but can still grind that pole, girls.
For no particular reason, Superbowl Halftime took a pause from the porn to feature a delightful chorus of school girls, who have a lot to look forward to in the Entertainment Industry.
Shake, shake, shake!
Here this guy helps J-Lo determine just how far he'll go before she presses charges.
J-Lo gave audiences an up-close and personal look into her interior organs Sunday night, vowing to bring ultrasound pictures next year.
J-Lo gave audiences exactly what she thinks they need on a Sunday evening with a gut full of beer and nacho cheese.
Shakira used a unique brand of subtle sexuality to engage the audience.
Never has the importance of 4 sq inches of fabric been more pronounced.

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