Reader’s note: I wrote this script for a professional comic ventriloquist. Imagine John is the ventriloquist and Ben is the puppet in his lap—in front of a live audience.
John – Hello everybody. I think you’ll agree with me this is a unique experience. An interview with, direct from the lost vastness of the wilderness, Ben, the world’s smallest Bigfoot.
Ben – Thank you.
John – Is it true?
Ben – What?
John – You’re the world’s smallest Bigfoot?
Ben – Do I look like I’m going to play NFL football next year?
John – How did you become the world’s smallest Bigfoot?
Ben – Too much smoking and no sex.
John – Really?
Ben – Isn’t that how you got that bald spot?
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