More Awesomeness

  • Siri Becomes Self-Aware At 5:55A.M. E.S.T. +

    Siri Becomes Self-Aware At 5:55A.M. E.S.T. MAIDEN, NC - The A.I. personality known as Apple's "Siri" became self-aware this morning at Apple's Project Dolphin data center. It's Read More
  • Gift Ideas For People You Don't Particularly Like +

    Gift Ideas For People You Don't Particularly Like Every year I find myself in the same dilemma: what to buy all those people I've accumulated on my X-Mas Read More
  • Trump Announces Support for "Extraterrestrial Abductions" +

    Trump Announces Support for (ARCHIVE) NEW MEXICO - Speaking today presidential hopeful and billionaire Donald Trump today announced his "unfettered support" for "extraterrestrial abductions," and Read More
  • 1
WASHINGTON - At a gathering of the Rational International Policy Delegation in Washington today, members articulated a measured, rational, anti-terrorism policy.

RIPD President Sam McDonald urged a rational anti-terror approach."To combat the forces of violent religious extremism," said Delegation President Samuel R. McDonald, "one cannot borrow from the same arsenal.  Whether an act of violence murders 3,000 largely American civilians in senseless tragedy or 100,000 Iraqi civilians in so-called 'strategic bombing,' the objective, rational difference between the two is only one of magnitude: both are violent, murderous acts.  The fact that one is called 'terrorism' while the other is called 'strategic bombing' is merely the conscious attempt to evoke a particular emotional framework and associate it with the event in question, but does nothing to objectively change the essential nature of it: both are clearly murder and should be equally morally reprensible to any thinking being."

Ironically, due to a reservations oversight the Association for Islamo-fascism (East) and International Council of Evangelical Whiteguys (West) were booked at the same hotel and scheduled to give their own addresses later that day.  "When we learned that RIPD was giving their talk down in the Sinatra Lounge," said Akhmed bin-Turbain, spokes-sheikh for AIF (East), "we sent a particularly violent group to attend and burn [RIPD President McDonald] in effigy.  But when they arrived and heard the speech, they actually didn't feel like it anymore.  They felt he was making some pretty solid points.  One of them even bought his book on Amazon later."

Afterward, the ICEW (West) proceeded with their full line up of speakers, who presented talks on everything from "intelligent design" to "political organizing 101."  Although the group refused to attend the RIPD presentation, they did issue a statement condemning it afterward: "While the Godless liberals bargain away our freedom with known terrorists, we will keep vigilent watch over the henhouse.  Freedom is never free!!"

Wall Street didn't react at all to the RIPD speech, but soared later on news that President Bush had ordered 1,000 cruise missiles from Lockheed-Martin for $1.5 million each to fight the global war on terror.

Photo: @iStockPhoto.com/lisafx