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Written by Scott Meadow

WASHINGTON D.C. - Police and emergency services were stretched thin today as crowds of political appointees arrived in Washington, ahead of next month's inauguration.  Many of the police officers, themselves anxiously awaiting the new administration next month, were frustrated at what they called "gross under-manning" in Washington's emergency services.  "Don't get us wrong, we love the new blood coming into town to plunge the swamp and all that stuff," said Policeman Derek Flips.  "But they've got us working 20 or 30 hour shifts in some cases, and these new guys create a lot of chaos."

"And we know they're just getting warmed up!" added Policeman Daryl Sandly, Flips' partner, although it was hard to hear over the incessant, roving calliope music filling the downtown air playing circus classics.

Washington D.C. Police Commissioner Chris "Kiki" Bearman echoed her men.  "We love all the change and stuff coming to Washington, but we don't have the resources to handle all the stuff they're doing, usually because they have no idea what they're doing."  Commissioner Bearman added, "So far I can't even get enough money to add a single new shift, and I don't see that changing anytime soon."

"What a ****ing mess," added a nearby police officer, who left before this reporter could get her name.

Wall Street ignored the mess in Washington entirely, preferring to focus on straining international relations, boosting defense stocks and arms manufacturers into the stratosphere by mid-morning.  After lunch, the Street leapt into a profit-taking frenzy, selling off their gains from the morning for stellar returns on the day, causing cable news finance guys to grow apoplectic with excitement over what amounts to an ordinary day.  Lighting up a Upmann No. 2, the Street grew reflective as it savored its Macallan Lalique 72.  "This is going to be the best four years of my life," the Street confessed with a grinch-like smile.  "It's going to be short/buy, buy/short as these knuckleheads screw things up so bad, my only real worry is where I'm going to put all the money?"

In response, a spokesperson for Dumb Money said, "Wait.. what?"