Distracted Movie Reviews

Wherein we attempt to give the readers the jist of the movie, or as near as we can since we were seriously distracted while watching it.

Liam Neeson is an ex-cop who shambles around a drug addled NYC in search of a couple guys who are killing drug dealer's wives.  He's got a homeless kid as a sidekick.  And he walks around a lot looking moody.

What you see here is what you get in Tombstones.Nothing much happens for a long time.  Then, nothing else happens to spice things up.  This is followed by a healthy dollop of not much else happening until the credit crawl.  Around the middle somewhere I left for popcorn and when I came back I asked what I missed.  My wife said "they drove around a bit" and shrugged.

That's a little unfair. Liam does walk around (looking moody) and talking with people as he tries to find these two guys, who may be DEA agents.  But they're really just standard issue psychos.  Why are they killing the drug dealer's wives, you may ask?  We never really find out but it's probably for the ransom money.

That's the plot.

Liam is also trying to live down some tragic events from his past, like his accidential shooting of a 7 year old girl and being a divorced drunk.  This stuff screwed him up so now he lives in trademark "ex-cop dump New York City apartment"-brand squalor.  Set designers must get really bored recreating this dump for every cop movie they work on.  If they were smart they'd get together, design one ex-cop dumpy NYC apartment and have swappable booze bottles/overflowing ashtrays/arsenal of weapons to suit every occasion.

Now given the way the film was promoted, you may be thinking this was "Taken 3" like we did.  But this is about as close to a "Taken" flick as Obi-Wan Kenobi was to Liam's portrayal of Oscar Schindler.

The theater wasn't very full so we pretty much had the place to ourselves.  Thanks to a generous alcohol policy we brought a bottle of wine with us and were thoroughly enjoying the pino enhanced previews.  Just up until a group of 9 teens entered, each talking on cell phones and at least one with a ribald laugh that rivalled Phyllis Diller.

They sat down right in front of us.

In the first one, Liam's daughter was taken.  This time it's him and his wife.  Next time, I guess it'll be his neighbor Ron?

Greg Kinnear is a preacher someplace in Nebraska or Iowa I think.  He's a nice guy.  I couldn't hear the dialogue, but everyone smiled at him and was friendly.  At least in the beginning.

Tom Cruise stars as a guy in a futuristic suit shooting at bad guys in a desperate bid to save something really, really important.  Probably the earth, since this is the future and we're always trying the save the earth in the future.  But I was seriously distracted watching this.


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