ARLINGTON, VA — The U.S. Central Command has unveiled its latest breakthrough in proportional killing: the PropCalc 3000™, a cloud-based AI that assigns Yelp-style star ratings to military targets and recommends "calibrated" retaliation based on a proprietary algorithm combining geopolitical threat data, neighborhood Zillow valuations, and what developers are calling the "Madness Index."
Current Features
Three Weeks in Toronto and I Have Developed Opinions About Concrete
I did not intend to know anything about Toronto. That was not the arrangement. The arrangement was: attend Fashion Art Toronto, file the requisite piece dripping with diplomatic disdain, and leave within seventy-two hours for somewhere with a better aperitivo hour and fewer people who ask me what my sign is before offering me a business card. Gemini. No, you may not have mine.
That was May 26. It is now June 15. I am still here. [Takes a long, deliberate sip of
...Let me begin with a grievance. All great criticism begins with a grievance. I am, above all else, a great critic.
Scott Meadow — Publisher, Editor-in-Chief, and the man who has apparently decided that my suffering is a renewable resource he has not yet been taxed on — called me on a Thursday. Not an email. A call. At 7 in the morning.
...I was sitting in my leather wingback chair this morning — the good one, the one June says makes me look like a founding father, which I take as a compliment, and which I take as a mission accomplished — when the news arrived. The market was up. Again. And I knew, as I always know, that my most recent column on the sanctity of localized capital
...by Dr. Cassius Renfro-Beale, Special to IRREVERENT
Your magazine asked me to explain stadium culture to American readers getting their first home World Cup. Fair enough. I’ll do my best. I’m just still trying to find the right tone for people whose main stadium reference point is a guy in a foam cheese hat eating a brat
...by Julian Cross | Food & Dining Correspondent, IRREVERENT
WINNETKA, IL — The hostess at Guts asked if I had any dietary restrictions. I told her I was morally opposed to wasting my time. She smiled as if I'd said something charming and led me through an Edison-bulb gauntlet to a table where the napkin had been
...DISPATCHED FROM ROOM 614, A MID-TIER MANHATTAN HOTEL — 11:47 PM, WEDNESDAY
At approximately 9:14 PM Eastern time, the occupants of the suite adjacent to mine — Room 615 — checked in with three rolling cases and what sounded like a portable thermal printer.
I know this because the walls of this particular property are
...The logo is wrong in a way that only I would notice. The anvil itself — my anvil, the one I had sketched on a paper napkin at two in the morning in 2009 and paid a designer in Wicker Park four hundred dollars to turn into something with actual gravity — is maybe fifteen percent larger than it should be, and the weight of it sits differently on
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