WASHINGTON - A new poll today by a group who has enough money to finance a poll announced that over 92% of "most Americans" who have "no healthcare coverage or minimal coverage" have "actively" lobbied their congressmen and senators demanding "greater... tax cuts."
Linda Jung of Morristown, Virginia, for example, makes less than $19,800 a year with a "high-deductible" healthcare plan from her employer that provides only minimal coverage once a $9,000 annual deductible is satisfied. When contacted by IRREVERENT, Mrs. Jung for some reason failed to mention tax cuts, but did express "daily terror" of being able to purchase food if just one of her three children would get sick. Clearly a statistical aberration, IRREVERENT contacted 92 more local residents within the same situation, none of whom, confusingly, mentioned "tax cuts, breaks or tax reform."
"That's highly unusual," said Bill "Whitey" Wittington, chief economist at the conservative "Me Too" Washington think-tank. "I've seen that poll by those guys, or group or something, whoever did that poll thing, and the data was highly convincing to me. I'm convinced therefore that you are merely 'fake news'ing this highly reputable poll by whoever those guys are, that clearly shows everyone and their uncle are demanding tax cuts as their number one concern."
"Almost nobody in this tax bracket pays taxes," noted Jim Jacobs, a senior fellow at the John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt Tax Policy Institute. "Certainly not wage earners here."
Ignoring all reporters looking for a comment, over lunch President Trump tweeted: "Finally, some truth! Voters want tax breaks period. Let's get it done!!"
HOUSTON – Today NASA spokesman Jim Jameson told reporters, during a hastily prepared press conference, that “the math… was much, much harder than we theorized” as he discussed the latest of seven satellite explosions, costing nearly $3.1 billion.
“Over the past 18 months, we’ve completely reengineered our processes, including adding an entire service virtualization layer for systems testing,” Jameson continued. “We’ve worked very hard on creating a cultural paradigm shift in the way that engineers interact with QA folks, management, and technicians of every level. Our consultants have been working with award-winning, best of breed tools, and are top people in process engineering and change management. As it turns out, perhaps, we weren’t as focused on the math as may have been warranted.”
“In retrospect,” added NASA PR flack Dale Dennis, “the agency’s  PR campaign, ‘It’s Not Rocket Science!’ may have been ill advised.” After a moment of contemplation, he added, “Although I thought it was a great idea.”
In retrospect the agency’s PR campaign, ‘It’s Not Rocket Science!’ may have been ill advised.Some outside NASA agree. “NASA’s been hobbled ever since the consultants starting ‘improving’ things over there,” noted Jill Gillington, senior researcher at Framus-Whickhouse-Bradbury, a think-tank specializing in technology policy. “There’s a group of fast talking, highly articulate, Ivy-league bullshitters in leadership now. They’ve got everyone so busy doing thought-experiments with the latest management theory, that nobody’s crunching the numbers.”
“You can’t make an omelet without blowing up a few eggs, hopefully over a sparsely populated area,” said Congressman Bill Williamson (R-Oklahoma), junior member of the House Appropriations Committee, and architect of HR-9712 the so-called “NASA Reinvention Act.” “Look, the goal of [HR-9712] was to bring [NASA] into the 21st Century of management innovation, rather than some stuffy old sewer filled with eggheads, slide rulers, and pocket protectors. How can you attract top talent with a horrible public image? We changed that, and not a moment too soon.”