Special Drivel

  • Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)

    Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)

    The bots are back in town in this loving homage to de-aged robot apocalypse fiction. Read More
  • Punxsutawney Phil Fired After Predicting Massive Russian Interference in 2020 Election

    Punxsutawney Phil Fired After Predicting Massive Russian Interference in 2020 Election

    President Trump "fired" Punxsutawney Phil, despite having no authority to do so, as Phil is not a federal employee or Read More
  • Total Victory of the Imagination

    Total Victory of the Imagination

    Holy crap, this is the best robotic technology we’ve come up with by 2020? What are we doing? Read More
  • Bundy-O-Rama

    Bundy-O-Rama

    Ted Bundy: on one hand a murderous psychopath, on the other a Republican who treated his girlfriend and her daughter ok. Read More
  • Human Allows Alexa, Siri and Google Assistant To Converse

    Human Allows Alexa, Siri and Google Assistant To Converse

    Nothing is known about what caused this, other than the user was an idiot. Read More
  • Moon Aliens

    Moon Aliens

    Did aliens travel dozens or hundreds of lightyears to build crap on our moon? Read More
  • Joker (2019)

    Joker (2019)

    Joaquin Phoenix chain-smokes his way through a rewarding fantasy life punctuated by psychopathic violence in this adorable popcorn flick. Read More
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Latest News

WASHINGTON - Speaking today after lunch, President Trump today told reporters that he was "so smart, too smart really, much smarter than any of those economics guys" and that he had "a plan" to help the United States' economy: "I've already got the tariffs going, and we've separated kids from their parents at the Mexican border, which is going pretty great if I do say so, so how about some more tax breaks.  Something like 'massive, huge tax breaks for everyone making...' I don't know, how about $50,000 a year.  Something like that.  I'm going to call the I.R.S. in a few minutes and get this done.  Something like 'no taxes at all' really.  I think that's in order.  Trust me, I can make that happen too."

As soon as it heard the news, Wall Street threw in the towel, stopped it's massive sell-off and went home to take a nice, long, quiet nap.

Pulling up a footstool, World Leaders watched Trump's announcement, sharing some lightly buttered popcorn and a cool beer.  Laughing, the World Leaders watched Trump as he explained his "zero tax plan" to the audience, high fiving each other at various points.

WASHINGTON - Today President Trump tweet-fired Rex Tillerson as Secretary of State, tweet-hiring Mike Pompeo, the former CIA Director. He tweet-welcomed Pompeo to the job in his early afternoon tweet session, tweeting: "Welcome abroad, Mike" [sic], despite the fact that he didn't yet have the job.

trump tweet tillerson"Calling your boss a moron is generally the same as a resignation letter," noted Carol Caroline, Senior Fellow at the Jay Johnson Political Thinktank and Rotisserie in Washington D.C. "Tillerson can't have been too surprised."

Pompeo, a former Army Captain and Republican from Kansas's 4th Congressional District, is expected to be confirmed by the Senate Foreign Relations Committee in April despite everything Democrats will have to say about it.

Wall Street reacted to the news by burping up a breakfast burrito and knocking back four Red Bulls before torching the late morning trading session.

[Left: The President's fullly unintelligible tweet.]

WASHINGTON - President Trump today warmly welcomed Swedish Prime Minister Stefan Löfven at the White House, proclaiming his new trade deals will be "covered with love," and that "Swedish porno stars.. are the best, absolute best."

Trump shook the PMs hand forcefully, remembering his father's lesson about not paying taxes."We need steel and aluminium, because it's all great stuff, and China is taking advantage of us, seriously, victimizing us really, just because they're in a superior position. They used their position of power to take advantage of us, and that's just wrong. Wrong, wrong wrong. Whenever anyone in a position of authority uses their position to exploit others is disgraceful."

The President then went on to declare how the Oscars are "rigged," characterized football players taking a knee as "throwaway protests," and declared free speech "fine... in certain contexts."

Prime Minister Löfven meanwhile contained his shock well, sipping water and looking upward at the ceiling.

"He didn't address anything about the two main planks in our party platform," noted Ronna McDaniel, Chair of the Republican National Committee. "This one here, which is oak I believe, that people have too much healthcare, really an unhealthy amount of healthcare and it's killing American families. We're working hard to remedy that. Second, this one is pine I think, or maybe spruce, is that taxes are absurdly high for well off Americans, who need that money desperately, and know how to spend it much, much better than the average American. More effectively really, on those items that really power-boost the economy. So we need that more."

Wall Street jumped up and down in place on the prospect of seriously repressive tariffs on steel and aluminium before burning everything in sight, dropping the Dow, NASDAQ and SP500 into free-fall before opportunists woke up and went long, mopping up a healthy intra day profit.

Photos: screenshot.

SuperBowl LIV Lapdance!

A stripper pole, leather-clad dancers, and an aggressive crotch grab. Is this Harvey Weinstein's wetdream?
Not to be upstaged, J-Lo made sure audiences saw the scant fabric over her baby-maker too.
I may be wrong, but I think the choreographers for this year's half-time show were trying to tell us something....
Yes, she's a mother of 4 but can still grind that pole, girls.
For no particular reason, Superbowl Halftime took a pause from the porn to feature a delightful chorus of school girls, who have a lot to look forward to in the Entertainment Industry.
Shake, shake, shake!
Here this guy helps J-Lo determine just how far he'll go before she presses charges.
J-Lo gave audiences an up-close and personal look into her interior organs Sunday night, vowing to bring ultrasound pictures next year.
J-Lo gave audiences exactly what she thinks they need on a Sunday evening with a gut full of beer and nacho cheese.
Shakira used a unique brand of subtle sexuality to engage the audience.
Never has the importance of 4 sq inches of fabric been more pronounced.

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