Special Drivel

  • Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)

    Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)

    The bots are back in town in this loving homage to de-aged robot apocalypse fiction. Read More
  • Punxsutawney Phil Fired After Predicting Massive Russian Interference in 2020 Election

    Punxsutawney Phil Fired After Predicting Massive Russian Interference in 2020 Election

    President Trump "fired" Punxsutawney Phil, despite having no authority to do so, as Phil is not a federal employee or Read More
  • Total Victory of the Imagination

    Total Victory of the Imagination

    Holy crap, this is the best robotic technology we’ve come up with by 2020? What are we doing? Read More
  • Bundy-O-Rama

    Bundy-O-Rama

    Ted Bundy: on one hand a murderous psychopath, on the other a Republican who treated his girlfriend and her daughter ok. Read More
  • Human Allows Alexa, Siri and Google Assistant To Converse

    Human Allows Alexa, Siri and Google Assistant To Converse

    Nothing is known about what caused this, other than the user was an idiot. Read More
  • Moon Aliens

    Moon Aliens

    Did aliens travel dozens or hundreds of lightyears to build crap on our moon? Read More
  • Joker (2019)

    Joker (2019)

    Joaquin Phoenix chain-smokes his way through a rewarding fantasy life punctuated by psychopathic violence in this adorable popcorn flick. Read More
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • 6
  • 7
DINOPOLIS, 65,000,000 B.C. – President Tyranno Bushasaurus reiterated today that his voluntary avoidance program was “more than adequate” to cope with any possible upcoming asteroid collision.

Tony Snowasaurus“We need to encourage our fellow dinosaurs in the business community to deal with the asteroid threat using voluntary, individual initiatives,” President Bushasaurus said.  “We won’t help anybody with the big, inefficient claw of government regulation.  Left to itself, I’m absolutely positive that the market is more than capable of diverting a 10 mile wide or so asteroid traveling upwards of 30,000 miles an hour.”  

The asteroid – dubbed “Biggie” – has been visible for almost a year now and is one of the brightest objects in the sky.  Although government officials are firmly behind the president’s voluntary asteroid-avoidance program, a group of renown scientists have disputed the facts used and claim there will be “enormous repercussions” if the asteroid actually strikes the planet. 

Administration officials vehemently disagree with the scientists’ conclusions, characterizing them as “reactionary” and “politically motivated science.”  “Asteroids are just sort-of bigger meteors, and they strike the planet all the time, it’s completely natural: there’s really no reason to be alarmed,” said spokesdinosaur Tony Snowasaurus.  “Look, let the market decide how to use our precious natural resources.  Government will just waste money and screw it up.”

Some estimates have suggested that the possible impact would happen near land and cause an enormous explosion, possibly with widespread consequences.  Yet others have dismissed these claims as “fantastically improbable.”

 The stock market hit record highs following the president’s reassurances, with stocks of … fzzzzt.

 

SuperBowl LIV Lapdance!

A stripper pole, leather-clad dancers, and an aggressive crotch grab. Is this Harvey Weinstein's wetdream?
Not to be upstaged, J-Lo made sure audiences saw the scant fabric over her baby-maker too.
I may be wrong, but I think the choreographers for this year's half-time show were trying to tell us something....
Yes, she's a mother of 4 but can still grind that pole, girls.
For no particular reason, Superbowl Halftime took a pause from the porn to feature a delightful chorus of school girls, who have a lot to look forward to in the Entertainment Industry.
Shake, shake, shake!
Here this guy helps J-Lo determine just how far he'll go before she presses charges.
J-Lo gave audiences an up-close and personal look into her interior organs Sunday night, vowing to bring ultrasound pictures next year.
J-Lo gave audiences exactly what she thinks they need on a Sunday evening with a gut full of beer and nacho cheese.
Shakira used a unique brand of subtle sexuality to engage the audience.
Never has the importance of 4 sq inches of fabric been more pronounced.

More Awesomeness

  • Siri Becomes Self-Aware At 5:55A.M. E.S.T. +

    Siri Becomes Self-Aware At 5:55A.M. E.S.T. MAIDEN, NC - The A.I. personality known as Apple's "Siri" became self-aware this morning at Apple's Project Dolphin data center. It's Read More
  • Gift Ideas For People You Don't Particularly Like +

    Gift Ideas For People You Don't Particularly Like Every year I find myself in the same dilemma: what to buy all those people I've accumulated on my X-Mas Read More
  • Trump Announces Support for "Extraterrestrial Abductions" +

    Trump Announces Support for (ARCHIVE) NEW MEXICO - Speaking today presidential hopeful and billionaire Donald Trump today announced his "unfettered support" for "extraterrestrial abductions," and Read More
  • 1