IRREVERENT Magazine is a news satire magazine: we were doing bogus news before it was popular.

Turns out it was just nobody.NEW YORK - A woman captured this morning in several disheveled, candid street shots was ultimately determined to be "absolutely nobody famous," after being sold to the tabloids.

"She looked so dressed down, so ratty and nondescript, it had to be deliberate," said Jack Jenkins, a freelance photographer who took the pictures this morning.  "But it turns out she was just an ordinary slob walking to Trader Joe's that looked like hell."

The woman has since been identified as Karen Watts, 35, a freelance architect and single mother, who had run out of coffee and was, in fact, heading to a nearby Starbucks. "I didn't even see this guy," Watts said, referring to Jenkins.

Here's nobody again.Jim "Jimmy" Jameson, photo editor for The New Daily News, called the photos "exactly the kinda crap you'd expect an Amal Clooney, Julia Roberts, or Taylor Swift to pull."  "It was hard to tell who it was, but I figured buy them quick before some other rag has it," Jameson explained.  "Later we realized that it really was nobody and fed them to the shredder."

Wall Street, like everyone else in the world, ignored the news completely, instead focusing on a particularly juicy IPO it'd been keeping its eyes on lately.  After losing its shirt in an unexpected late morning sell-off, the Street bellied up to the afternoon trading session full of vengeance, tearing pharma, defense, and consumer electronic stocks a brand new one before knocking off early for drinks.

IRREVERENT Magazine is a news magazine parody: we were doing fake news before it was popular.


Buy Me A Coffee

More Awesomeness

  • Siri Becomes Self-Aware At 5:55A.M. E.S.T. +

    Siri Becomes Self-Aware At 5:55A.M. E.S.T. MAIDEN, NC - The A.I. personality known as Apple's "Siri" became self-aware this morning at Apple's Project Dolphin data center. It's Read More
  • Gift Ideas For People You Don't Particularly Like +

    Gift Ideas For People You Don't Particularly Like Every year I find myself in the same dilemma: what to buy all those people I've accumulated on my X-Mas Read More
  • Trump Announces Support for "Extraterrestrial Abductions" +

    Trump Announces Support for (ARCHIVE) NEW MEXICO - Speaking today presidential hopeful and billionaire Donald Trump today announced his "unfettered support" for "extraterrestrial abductions," and Read More
  • 1