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TEL AVIV - Israeli F-16s attacked and destroyed the new Hezbollah (or Hizbu'llah) McDonald's in what has been described in multinational capitalist circles as the "single worst day of violence in the Middle East" to date.

Israeli F-16s attacked and destroyed the new Hezbollah McDonald's in Beirut.Speaking from Hollywood after requesting anonymity, Mel “Mad Max” Gibson, chief investor in the project, said, “That's a pommy bahastahd thing to do Bruce. A few mates want to engage in some world class capitalism and the goddamn Jews start a war over it!  What's a Bruce supposed to do Bruce?”

Israeli Defense Force spokesperson, Ariel Bombardmentstein, said that Israeli intellegence had good reason to believe that the McDonald's was a staging area for Hezbollah's next attack on the plucky Hebrew nation. “We've seen Supersize Me,said El-Bombardment, “We know the dangers that Big Macs on our northern border pose. Not to mention the enticement to sin that is the McRib sandwich.”

Wall Street reacted positively to the latest Israeli action. Rudolf Katzenjammer, of Katzenjammer, Katzenjammer and Bernstein Investments confessed to being “tickled pink” that Israel was taking such positive steps to defend itself. KKB, a majority shareholder of Katyusha Industries saw it's own stock explode as Hezbullah rockets rained down on Israeli territory. “Israel has the right to protect it's territroy,” said Katzenjammer, “and of course it's important that the nascent Lebanese democracy be allowed to survive. Of course we regret the loss of civilian life, but hey, you know, omelets...eggs....”

BREAKING: Death Squad Signs with KFC!

SuperBowl LIV Lapdance!

A stripper pole, leather-clad dancers, and an aggressive crotch grab. Is this Harvey Weinstein's wetdream?
Not to be upstaged, J-Lo made sure audiences saw the scant fabric over her baby-maker too.
I may be wrong, but I think the choreographers for this year's half-time show were trying to tell us something....
Yes, she's a mother of 4 but can still grind that pole, girls.
For no particular reason, Superbowl Halftime took a pause from the porn to feature a delightful chorus of school girls, who have a lot to look forward to in the Entertainment Industry.
Shake, shake, shake!
Here this guy helps J-Lo determine just how far he'll go before she presses charges.
J-Lo gave audiences an up-close and personal look into her interior organs Sunday night, vowing to bring ultrasound pictures next year.
J-Lo gave audiences exactly what she thinks they need on a Sunday evening with a gut full of beer and nacho cheese.
Shakira used a unique brand of subtle sexuality to engage the audience.
Never has the importance of 4 sq inches of fabric been more pronounced.

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