The Editor's Mess

Something has been bothering me for years now. It was a vague sort of longing; a nascent idea that something just wasn’t quite right. Déjà vu? No, that’s something else. The latent paranoia that all sentient beings at one point have, according to Douglas Adams? Generalized disappointment with growing older and probably something to do with Trump? Maybe…. Then last night it suddenly dawned on me.

I was at an after school thing with one of my kids and, on display, was a robot. It was dancing around the gymnasium (oops multimedia room) and had one programmed function, which took two high-schoolers with laptops to demonstrate: if you fed it a volleyball, it would throw it back. The year is 2020.

 

Bundy: Falling for a Killer

  • You're Gonna Make It After All!
    You're Gonna Make It After All! Here Bundy shows the world that there's a lighter side to barbaric psychopathic violence.
  • Bodies Roasting Over An Open Fire...
    Bodies Roasting Over An Open Fire...
  • Nobody Looks Good After Being Arrested
    Nobody Looks Good After Being Arrested
  • I May Be Just A Simple Psycho Lawyer...
    I May Be Just A Simple Psycho Lawyer...
  • The Girlfriend
    The Girlfriend She was Bundy's girlfriend for a while in the beginning, and now she's ready to cash in on the renewed interest. Honestly good for her.
  • Just An Ordinary Psychopath
    Just An Ordinary Psychopath
  • Killer Groupie Three
    Killer Groupie Three "I know he kills women exactly like me but he's just so cute! Nobody's perfect!"
  • Killer Groupie Two
    Killer Groupie Two "He could diddle my grapefruits any time!"
  • Killer Groupie One
    Killer Groupie One "I'm not afraid. He just doesn't look like a killer. God he looks so dreamy!"
  • The Girlfriend's Daughter
    The Girlfriend's Daughter Here she describes living with the serial killer wasn't the go-lucky funness you'd expect.
  • Ted the Goofball
    Ted the Goofball He was a happy-go-lucky murderer, the Homer Simpson of serial-killing.
  • Ted Bundy or Julian Lennon
    Ted Bundy or Julian Lennon Back before fax machines or the internet, cops only had crap like this to work with so don't be too judgy.
  • Smile You Sucker
    Smile You Sucker Ted Bundy, mild-mannered Republican campaign worker with a personal sense of justice.
  • You're Gonna Make It After All!
  • Bodies Roasting Over An Open Fire...
  • Nobody Looks Good After Being Arrested
  • I May Be Just A Simple Psycho Lawyer...
  • The Girlfriend
  • Just An Ordinary Psychopath
  • Killer Groupie Three
  • Killer Groupie Two
  • Killer Groupie One
  • The Girlfriend's Daughter
  • Ted the Goofball
  • Ted Bundy or Julian Lennon
  • Smile You Sucker

It’s a well-known secret that dead celebrities can rake in big bucks. A lucrative, if morbid subsection of the publicity world has devoted itself to the effort, making a buck off of anything and everything it can brand with a dead celeb’s face, body, voice, or film clip. Branding has given necrophilia has a whole new meaning.

Michael Jackson, for instance, who died 11 years ago, raked in $60 million in 2019. Elvis Presley, dead 43 years now, came in second at $39 million, and Marilyn Monroe, dead since 1962 rolled in an impressive $13 million. There’s GOLD in them thar rotting corpses!

There are lots of ways to warm up to watch the SuperBowl, almost all of them involving alcohol. This year was no exception for me, and having a few hours to kill, decided to click on "Aliens on the Moon (2015)," a two-and-a-half star documentary about extraterrestrial beings who are currently living on the lunar surface, or perhaps underneath it. Needed something to keep my buzz going.

Seems that there's a group of folks out there who do NOT think the moon landings were faked in a sound stage somewhere, they accept that we really did go to the moon, just that some alien dudes beat us to it and started building a bunch of random shit all over the place for no apparent reason.

Ladies and gentlemen, and those who can still hear me after spending all night in that club.  That drug cocktail made the 80s look like the 50s didn't it?  Good morning!  We're all still pretty high.

Today marks a milestone in your journey to both adulthood and temporary sobriety. The times they are a-changing, in the immortal words of your grandparents, and boy do those words still ring true. But these times are not imbued with the hope that comes from righteous social change, inclusive goals and a global view of humanity.  Oh no, flower child.

These times are considerably darker and stupid. You will be the first of your generation to graduate in the Trump years, which started, as these things do with a questionable election thanks to widespread interference by a foreign power. But the voters spoke, at least some of them. How many of you voted?

[sparse hands raise weakly]

Well there you go. At least 12 of your classmates decided to wade out of the haze of bong smoke and Adderol to stumble to the polling center on campus. The other 900 of you apparently didn't get that email.  Probably for the best, it would've been the wrong polling place thanks to Russia.

Last night I was surfing around Twitter when I came across an article about sex robots.  This isn’t something I see every day so I clicked.

It was an article from the U.K. about how sex robots will one day be “better in bed than any human being,” or so says the expert they found, a Joel Snell from Kirkwood College in Iowa.  I guess Kirkwood College in Iowa is a hotspot in the bustling future sex robot hypothesizing industry and this is clearly something people in the U.K. are interested in.

As I scrolled down I saw an ad almost immediately for another article titled “Woman wants to be so fat she can’t move,” with an open invitation to click.  At this point I paused.

SuperBowl LIV Lapdance!

A stripper pole, leather-clad dancers, and an aggressive crotch grab. Is this Harvey Weinstein's wetdream?
Not to be upstaged, J-Lo made sure audiences saw the scant fabric over her baby-maker too.
I may be wrong, but I think the choreographers for this year's half-time show were trying to tell us something....
Yes, she's a mother of 4 but can still grind that pole, girls.
For no particular reason, Superbowl Halftime took a pause from the porn to feature a delightful chorus of school girls, who have a lot to look forward to in the Entertainment Industry.
Shake, shake, shake!
Here this guy helps J-Lo determine just how far he'll go before she presses charges.
J-Lo gave audiences an up-close and personal look into her interior organs Sunday night, vowing to bring ultrasound pictures next year.
J-Lo gave audiences exactly what she thinks they need on a Sunday evening with a gut full of beer and nacho cheese.
Shakira used a unique brand of subtle sexuality to engage the audience.
Never has the importance of 4 sq inches of fabric been more pronounced.

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    Gift Ideas For People You Don't Particularly Like Every year I find myself in the same dilemma: what to buy all those people I've accumulated on my X-Mas Read More
  • Trump Announces Support for "Extraterrestrial Abductions" +

    Trump Announces Support for (ARCHIVE) NEW MEXICO - Speaking today presidential hopeful and billionaire Donald Trump today announced his "unfettered support" for "extraterrestrial abductions," and Read More
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