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The Editor's Mess

Celebrating the new Alexa ranking.According to Alexa, a fine company among the Amazon constellation of companies, IRREVERENT is ranked 4,150,370th in the WORLD for web traffic.  This impressive showing compares to a ranking of 2,052nd for The ONION, a mere 202,259.7% better ranking.  So for all you naysayers and choose-up-siders I say, HA!  And HA HA HA!!  We're on our way!

Lest ye think this is a undeservedly upbeat message for a drunk guy with a fuck you shirt and foam on his head, you clearly don't know us here at the zine.  We've been doing this for a long long time, making you laugh, we have.  Oh yes.  Ever since we were ranked 5,711,421st in fact.  Baby, we've come a long, long way!

It was no surprise to me that high school students recently questioned about the first amendment failed worse than a Halliburton sewer system. Not only did they not understand the protection it offers them as Americans nor appreciate the sacrifices that were made to gather it, they also didn't mind losing it. This came as a shock to many in the media, but not to me. Why? Well, who cares about losing something you have no use for in the first place? Who'd even miss it?

Every year I find myself in the same dilemma: what to buy all those people I've accumulated on my X-Mas list that I don't particularly like but am obligated to buy something for anyway. As you can imagine, each year brings new mildly insulting, passive-aggressive challenges. Lucky for me, however, our economy produces more than enough gifts of marginal quality and questionable taste each holiday season to keep all the cretins on my list satisfied, or at least without too much to whine about publicly. Since I can't be alone, I've decided to share. In Animaniacs fashion, I call them my "special friends" or SFs for short.

Every now and then, as we crank out issue after issue for your unpaid glee, I ask myself, "Why, why oh why, bro, do you keep publishing IRREVERENT?"  Sometimes one of the readers asks me.  Sometimes a writer.  Truth is, I have no idea, but as near as I can tell we're essentially an exercise in First Amendment protection.  Barring that, we're something more fun to do on the internet than watch the same Jenna Jameson clips over, and over, and over.  Okay we don't actually contribute anything (at all) to the Gross Domestic Product but we're not out there writing "how-to" manuals for sheep fucking either.  See what I mean about the First Amendment?  You can just tell that IRREVERENT is exactly what Tommy Jefferson had floating around his cerebellum back when men wore white wigs and were proud of it.

I really gotta stop looking for humorous inspiration in the news for my column.  Sure there are always funny bits in the news, some easier than others, like Rush Limbaugh being outed as a drug abusing criminal, but more often than not it's just not very funny.  Today, for example, John Walton, the heir to the Wal-Mart billions -- the 11th richest person on the planet earth, according to the Forbes 100 -- died in a plane crash.  That's just not funny.  Granted it's odd, but not a knee-slapper, unless you're the next BTK killer, in which case I'd really rather you go visit a different website, despite the fact that we seem to discuss psychopaths and social deviants a bit more than the average humor zine.