WASHINGTON - Speaking today after lunch, President Trump today told reporters that he was "so smart, too smart really, much smarter than any of those economics guys" and that he had "a plan" to help the United States' economy: "I've already got the tariffs going, and we've separated kids from their parents at the Mexican border, which is going pretty great if I do say so, so how about some more tax breaks. Something like 'massive, huge tax breaks for everyone making...' I don't know, how about $50,000 a year. Something like that. I'm going to call the I.R.S. in a few minutes and get this done. Something like 'no taxes at all' really. I think that's in order. Trust me, I can make that happen too."
As soon as it heard the news, Wall Street threw in the towel, stopped it's massive sell-off and went home to take a nice, long, quiet nap.
Pulling up a footstool, World Leaders watched Trump's announcement, sharing some lightly buttered popcorn and a cool beer. Laughing, the World Leaders watched Trump as he explained his "zero tax plan" to the audience, high fiving each other at various points.