I'm sure you've all read the headlines regarding the current political administration's thoughts on torturing prisoners.  Sane people, on the other hand, find torture a completely unacceptable way for American peacekeepers to act, no matter what.  Arguments fly like so many girlie men tossing medicine balls: "We have to torture, otherwise bad guys will nuke Manhattan!", "No, torture doesn't work because they'll just tell you what you want to hear!"  Personally, like you, I find these arguments loony.  We don't need to torture people to prevent a terrorist attack, and electrocuting a guy's globes, contrary to a lot of arguments against it, is bad bad bad, but it is gonna work.  Yup, Johnny Al-Johnson would roll over on his great gramma's 68 year old parking ticket given enough voltage to Little Johnny.  The argument against this crap can't be it's ineffectiveness: it's gotta be that it's just wrong wrong, big-Dubya Wrong.

I must've been asleep or watching Project Runway when this issue even got on the table.  I mean, when did American troops torturing people go up for grabs?  Man, we had a year's worth of debate over Clinton parsing the word "is" to wiggle out of a blowjob charge, but nobody's concerned over the most wily interpretation of the Geneva Conventions since the Nuremberg trials?  Is Mel Blanc doing the voices here because this is LOONEY TUNES.  Quick, someone call Newt Gingrich because that vast sucking sound is really the moral revolution melting after someone splashed it with water.

I never thought I'd write this, certainly not anytime this soon, but I'm actually longing for the time in America when we actually, seriously contemplated -- from coast to coast for nearly two solid years -- whether a woman performing oral sex on a man was really "sex."  We got to read explicit transcripts in the papers, oral sex was on every channel nearly all day long, and nobody, not even once, ever suggested that oral sex was torture, not even Pat Robertson, who had to Google what it meant.  Nobody brought up Monica Lewinsky and the Geneva Conventions in the same speech, nobody attached car batteries to private parts unless they were clearly asked to, and the world may have hated the spread of McDonald's into their cultures but nobody was smashing them with truck bombs or mining them with improvised roadside devices.  

Yep, if I've got to contemplate private bits, I'll take a good oral sex debate over torture any day of the week, multiple times a day to be sure.  Quick someone get Harriet Miers on the phone, I think I may have a job for her....