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What Intelligent Design?  What is that?

I know what it is. It's an end-run attempt by the creationist block led by the likes of Jerry Falwell and George Bush to get the Theory of Evolution thrown out of schools. Oh, they'll deny it.

They cite Plato and teaching by the ancient masters and say Bible theory has no link to this whatsoever.

They've tried everything else to get Darwin thrown out of the schools. You don't have to be a genius to figure out, if you can't beat 'em the hard way, beat 'em with their own game. Fight science (evolution) with science. Get your own science and scientists.

Fact. Intelligent Design is the theory that some kind of intelligent creator (maybe even an alien from outer space) created parts of our world. It was a thought-out plan from someone, not as evolution teaches, a haphazard series of mutations over time based on "natural selection" of the fittest.

In other words, it's not the law of the jungle, who can eat who and survive.... or who gets polluted into oblivion.

It's a case of, the world is in its present state because some intelligent being had a master plan to work it out this way for unknown reasons. "Who." I repeat...WHO that intelligent master is, has never been stated. But I think it's someone who looks a lot like Charlton Heston.  

In other words....GOD!

Of course, there's no scientific evidence or testing that can be done on "Intelligent Design," so much the better for its proponents.

Let's get one thing straight here. I'm not a big fan of being told I descended from a monkey. Although when I get to fighting with my relatives, I can scream as loud as any chimpanzee fighting over a coconut, and I may exhibit many of the same traits like scratching my hairy balls.  

No. No.

I'd rather believe monkeys descended from me. After all, your average chimp can tear a phone book in half, lives a hundred years and has a thing (penis) the size of...more about that later. Who wouldn't be proud of those skills?

You can look at the shape of George Bush's forehead and tell that Darwin was in fact wrong.  

We are slowly evolving backwards into the sea we polluted. But that doesn't mean some Martian pulled strings to make us the way we are.

Only in the case of Paris Hilton's breasts must there have been some inspired planning from above.  

Everything else was a crap shoot.

What Intelligent Design? Where? How?

Oh, I know. Everything has to have an explanation. Some alien from Mars who looks like Big Bird on Sesame Street with antennas coming out of his head sat down and made a laser blueprint and designed how I pee. It isn't a case of a worm crawling out of a primordial sea eons ago and slowly evolving into a hairy ape with a huge schlong (penis. I keep harping on this, don‘t I?).

A fact of Intelligent Design. It appeals to the kind of people who need reason and order in their life. The religious right. This kind of person also believes the Kennedy assassination was a conspiracy. It can't just be a lone gunman. If that's the case, it makes life seem meaningless, just a chance nothing.

If existence has a pre-planned purpose, then so do we. Destiny explains everything, even the unexplainable. It's comforting. Get it?

The debate over Intelligent Design has been argued with Darwinists over the potentially precedent-setting issues of human gill slits, Haealkel's embryos and the Miller Urey experiment.

Babies, according to some scientists, have imitation fish gills while swimming in the sea of their mother's womb, proving our fish ancestry.  

Ernst Haealkel, a 19th Century German scientist, did a series of drawings showing that fossils in the early stage of development (human, animal) were similar, thus we evolved from slugs. Miller-Urey was 1950's science that tried to recreate the gases of earth's creation. These are all well and good.

I have my own three experiments, the Phalalo worm, who planned toilet paper, and Crazy Earl.

Sit on a Phalalo worm. Feel anything? Of course not. If you interrupted some supreme being's plan, grand master plan...you should feel something. Wouldn't you?

Who invented toilet paper? Whoever designed the human digestive system knew that batteries were not included and a full range of accessories were needed.

Crazy Earl. He's a beer drinking, nose-picking, flag waving truck driving black hating red neck. How could he be an accident of evolution from a slug? But what was God..... (excuse me) I mean the Martian....thinking when he planned Crazy Earl?  


Whoever planned it had a sense of dark humor.

Hmmm! Maybe I believe in Intelligent Design after all.

©2006, SammonSays.com. Reprinted with permission.

Photo: ©iStockphoto.com/bmcent1, Cimmerian.