Special Features

I had a vision.  

I'm not kidding.

I don't know what to do about it or who to tell. I'll just relate it here. I know you won't believe me. It's too incredible.

But it's true.

I was out in my yard raking leaves, and a blinding light appeared in the sky. Out of that light (now if you doubt me I'm telling you this is true). Out of the light a strange sort of energy mass or something appeared and I heard a deep voice.

The specter looked like a spinning top, a sort of pinwheel glowing but transparent with tiny silver triangles flowing through what appeared to be veins of shining glass. It spoke in a strange tongue, but somehow I could still understand it. It identified itself as the "Nekenieh."

It said it was the Diaspora for change in the world, a world gone mad. I asked it, what do you want with me? I am but a humble brilliant soothsayer.

It told me to seek multiple orgasms. I asked it why? I mean, that's a little more than I already do now.

It said, sin! Sin so that you may be forgiven.

I said are you sure? I mean. I don't have anything against it, but I don't want any surprises later on.

It also told me what the world needs now, is love, sweet love, that's the only thing, that there's just too little of.

I accused it of being a UFO. I turned my back.

Now here is the part I just can't understand. The thing, whatever it was, called me the last truly naïve and foolish childish person left on earth. That everybody else was too competent. That's the word it used. "Competent." Not only competent, but scheming and conniving and acquiring material possession and able to fill out their taxes. But that I, on the other hand, was a true throw-back to a more innocent age, an authentic primitive who was the closest person to the original naked "Adam."

Only such a foolish person would be open enough to accept its message. That's what it said. That message is to convince people of the need to begin evolving back into the ocean by re-growing the gills they once had.

Now..I know this sounds a bit farfetched. But I swear. That's what he told me.

He said to prepare people for the kingdom to come. The kingdom of Seuterrashhh. Whatever that is.

I asked if I got some stone tablets or something, but he said no, and dropped a memo to me. On this memo are instructions. I don't know if I should act on them or not.

What am I gonna do? I have to believe it.

I guess I'll start with the orgasm part first, and work my way up (the list).


©2006, SammonSays.com.  Reprinted with permission.