Special Features

This is it.

This is really the end…maybe. The end of the world.

I knew the end of the world wouldn't be some spectacular thing, some giant asteroid plowing into earth, or a tidal wave, or even global warming (what's a little heat after all?).

I knew whatever it was. It would be small. Tiny. Something you could barely see. Buzzing. Hear that buzzing sound?  

Bees. Bees are disappearing. They're going away and not coming back. Something is causing bees the world over to fly off and not return to the hive.  

You want to know how serious this is? Bees pollinate the world's plants. What do you think happens when bees are no longer around to pollinate plants?

You like being hungry? Good!

Without pollinazation, plants die. Then we die. Simple. Talk about killer bees. We killed the bees. They're going to kill us.

What's causing this die-off of bees. I know.

In the beginning, there were no sounds much at all except a waterfall and the wind. Maybe a caveman walking along, and dropping his lion skin drawers, and relieving himself to the sound of… plop!

Plop!  

Except for an occasional pterodactyl (a large prehistoric bird) screech, that was about it.  

Some thunder.

Then came sounds. Cars, boats, planes, radios, phones. All those f…kin' gadgets we just can't live without. We can't live with ‘em either…turns out. Electromagnetic energy from millions of cell phones. It drives the bees mad. Each little bee.

Each cute little bee holds its head as some punk blasting rap music from his car drives by.  

The car engine. The radio. The cell phone. They all give off electromagnetic signals…energy waves that play havoc with the bee's natural radar, its guidance system.

It used to be so quiet around here.

The bee says, "screw you! I'll show ya,' you ignorant fat, synthetic eating slob. You waste of skin, with your push buttons."

The bee pulls out its stinger, stands on a cliff top, and commits ritual hara-kiri (suicide).  

The stinger. You know, the little barb you complained about when you were a kid and sat your butt on a bee and got stung when it was your fault and the poor bee was just defending itself trying to survive, so it could provide you with some food on the table.

It's more than just honey.  

You complain about bees and wave them away with your hand and act afraid like they're something bad, when they spread the yellow stuff that allows grains and fruits to grow, that allows you to fill your stomach with food.  

Bees are dying off in record numbers because of this electronic pollution spread by morons.

Andrew Weil MD, a noted authority on bee freak-out waves, noted, "electromagnetic pollution may be the most significant form of pollution human activity has produced in this century."

I'm proud to claim I always hated cell phones from the beginning and only got one because of my work. I'd like to put it on top of a fence post and execute it with a small pistol.  

Pretty soon, I'll use the cell phone to call for help when there isn't any food around. How many ways can you boil, bake, or fricassee shoe leather?  

Food will become more valuable than oil.

The world will square off, the hoarding haves (the US and England) against China and everybody else (the have-nots). Global conflict over the apportioning of dwindling grain stores. People dying by the millions.

Armageddon will happen to secure food, or to drive off those who crave it.  


In the end, it will be quiet once again.

Very quiet.  


©2007, SammonSays.com. Reprinted with permission.