IRREVERENT Magazine is a news satire magazine: we were doing bogus news before it was popular.

WASHINGTON - Hikers on the Appalachian trail discovered a set of human remains that sources inside the FBI say belong to a Delta Force commando missing since April 1.

The sources, unable to be identified speaking about activities related to U.S. Special Forces members, told IRREVERENT Magazine that DNA testing indicates the remains belong to Sgt. Stephen Romero, a communications specialist with the Army's highly secretive anti-terrorist unit.  The same sources went on to confirm that traces of Sgt. Romero's DNA were found at Democratic National Committee headquarters during  investigation of a burglary there the day Sgt. Romero disappeared from Ft. Bragg with two of his comrades.

Porter GossThe discovery of the remains shortly followed the abrupt resignation of CIA Chief Porter Goss.  Goss, who resigned amid a cloud of corruption and malfeasance, including his support of Kyle Foggo, Director Goss' number three man at the CIA.  Foggo himself was implicated in a scandal involving defense contractor Brent Wilkes and former Rep. Randy "Duke" Cunningham.  Cunningham, currently serving an 8 year sentence for corruption, told investigators that he attended several poker parties given by Wilkes and attended by Foggo.  According to prosecutors, unwilling to be identified speaking about an active case, Wilkes provided prostitutes and other favors in return for millions in defense contracts.

District of Columbia Metro Police officially refused to comment on reports of friction between the department and the FBI in the investigation into the break-in at DNC headquarters.  Refusing to speak on the record due to the sensitivity of the relationship, one source complained that, with the added complications of the Goss resignation, D.C. police have increasingly found their colleagues in the FBI unwilling to share information relevant to both cases.  "Looking at the way this guy was killed, plus the sudden resignation of the CIA chief, well we have to begin to think about connections," the source said.  "As tight-lipped as the FBI is on any possible relation.  It doesn't take a genius to think maybe something is going on."

White House reaction to Goss' resignation focused on the transitional nature of the Director's short tenure.  "He has led ably," President Bush said at the announcement of Goss' resignation.  The President then thanked his former CIA director for his service.  Goss, whose time at the CIA was marked by dramatic changes in the agency, changes which alienated him from some senior members of the clandestine services, said that "the agency is on a very even keel, sailing well."  Neither alluded to the corruption investigation of Wilkes and Foggo nor acknowledged speculation that Goss was forced from the position because of his relationship with Foggo. 

On Monday, May 8th, as news of the discovery of Sgt. Romero's remains filtered into the city, President Bush nominated Air Force General Michael V. Hayden as Goss' replacement at the CIA.  Hayden most recently served as director of the National Security Agency, presiding over the agency's failures to detect and prevent the 9/11 plot as well as the controversial monitoring of U.S. citizens without proper search warrants.  Although Hayden's nomination was initially dismissed by Senators, including many Republicans uncomfortable with the idea of a military general in charge of the civilian intelligence community, several changed their minds following a secret briefing held by the White House.

IRREVERENT Magazine is a news magazine parody: we were doing fake news before it was popular.

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