IRREVERENT News

"Fulfilling people's need to trade corpses of their dead, mutated pets, in frozen form, has long been recognized by our management as a strategic initiative," said Nancy Deloitte, Director of Communications for eBay Inc.  "It's been in our five year growth plan for ages.  We're just glad to see that eBay's technology can finally support this vital market," Deloitte continued, her nose buried in a business-speak thesaurus.  "Trading in the frozen corpse space has been, to put it mildly, lukewarm at best since the late nineties.  eBay, as a strategic partner to millions of growth businesses worldwide has taken the lead to grow this market by fueling the commoditization of frozen, mutated species as a whole."

The announcement comes almost five months after news of a short-lived cyclops kitten born to Traci Allen, a Redmond, Oregon resident, spurred furious research into the lucrative new "mutated species" market.  Retailers Wal Mart, K-mart and several lesser known marts are expected to quickly follow eBay's decisive lead later this year.

"For billions of years this type of activity went on freely, without any compensation whatsoever to any business or other entity," read a special section of eBay's website dealing with the new marketplace.  "Now that evolution itself has become one of the hottest new commodities, can you really afford to stay OUT of this space?"

Wall Street reacted positively to eBay's (Nasdaq: MONY) announcement, shooting shares up over 17 full points to close at $127.25.  Shares of God (NYSE: YHWH) meanwhile continued a long dive to an all time low of $0.50, while Darwin (NYSE: DYN) rose despite several book burnings and burnt offerings in America's Deep South.