IRREVERENT News

(ARCHIVES) WARSHINGTON, D.C.-- Senator Joe Biden (D-DE), himself a practitioner of particularly articulate hygiene, today hired John Kerry's speechwriter to assist with his campaign.

Sources on the Biden Presidential Exploratory and Fund Raising Machine said that the Senator was disappointed with the amount of press coverage afforded his “cleanliness gaffe.”

“Look something like that should have had legs all the way to the floor,” said campaign ham radio operator LurLene “Sparks” MacGillicudy. “Instead he got what? 10 minutes with Stewart? Hell CNN had to dispatch a news crew to Indonesia after Hillary's Obama Bomb.   No, the Senator quite correctly felt he needed some higher caliber foot mouthing.”

Biden, whose last presidential campaign imploded after he was caught lifting phrases from Neil Kinnock, a well unknown British Labour Party leader, would not comment on the story until he had chance to consult with his new speechwriter. Asked when a comment could be expected, the Senator explained that Alabama Head Football Coach Nick “Coonass” Saban had priority scheduling. Biden also wanted to consult a book of famous quotations before responding.

The Obama campaign, fearing that it was being Swift Boated (TM) immediately acted to answer Biden's comments. Appearing at a stop in Pella, Iowa, Obama, dressed in assless vinyl chaps and nothing else, said that although he is extremely articulate, he is, contrary to Biden's opinion far from mainstream and in fact, “very, very, dirty. A real dirty birdie.” The candidate then licked his finger and pressed it against his buttock while hissing.

Wall Street was up on the news from the Biden campaign. Shares of Bartlett's Quotations (BQ) rose sharply as did shares of Proctor and Gamble (PG), makers of Aks Bodywash “It's how storybook men get clean.”