IRREVERENT News

“Look, we've been suffering at the hands of reality for far too long now,” said IRREVERENT Editor and Death Culture Merchant Scott Meadow, between bites of tender, box raised veal.  “The final straw came when news events ripped off a piece we were doing on insane NASA astronauts and the love triangles that drive them to diaper wearing.  You guys know how hard it is to write that stuff?  Clearly we, and by 'we' I mean exclusively 'me,' are due some kind of financial renumeration.  To that end we're launching a reverse class action suit.  If successful, each person in the world, except us, and by 'us' I mean exclusively 'me,' will have to send one dollar to our headquarters, and by 'headquarters' I mean exclusively 'my bank account.'” Meadow then fell backward in a food induced stupor thus ending the hastily called press conference.

IRREVERENT legal counsel, Sly Shystervich, expressed confidence that the lawsuit would succeed.  “I'm extremely confident this lawsuit will succeed,” said Shystervich.  Speaking on behalf of his client, the world, noted Rights Management Attorney Jack Balenti told reporters that the lawsuit was both baseless and without merit.  “This lawsuit,” said Balenti, “is both baseless and without merit.”  The defendant in the suit was not available for comment.

“We'll be keeping a close eye on this suit,” FOXNews chief Roger Ailes told Sean Hannity.  “You know better than anybody how tough making up the news is.  Remeber that madrassa bit we did on Obama?  If there's a revenue stream around here, I want to piss in it before Time Warner takes a sip.”

A copy of the astronaut story Meadow claimed to have authored was forwarded to IRREVERENT by a source inside IRREVERENT Magazine.  Dated January 4, 2005, the article satirizes a news story in which two women astronauts, rivals for a fellow male astronaut's affections have a confrontation in an airport loading zone.  “I have to admit I laughed out loud when I read it,” said Balenti, “It really was a brilliant piece.  That's when I knew Meadow didn't have a leg to stand on.  Such outstanding work could only have been written by Tyrone Mercer, and if his legal samurai, Hashimoto Suntori, didn't think there was a copyright violation then there must not have been one.”  The notably inscrutable lawyer and his client both refused to comment, but Mercer's company R.A. Enterprises released a brief statement quoting Suntori's latest book, It's A Zen.  “To be made one with everything is to risk mustard in the eye.”

Wall Street reacted quickly to news of the lawsuit with half the brokers checking their wallets and the other half beginning to call IRREVERENT offices offering “remarkable ground floor opportunities.”