WASHINGTON - The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics reported strong job growth for positions within the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics for the 23rd straight month.
The hottest growth area, also for the 23rd month in a row, was for unemployment statisticians. "Although this is not representative of the U.S. economy in general, which remains a train wreck," said B.L.S. spokesman Artie Wells, "we are nevertheless excited over any employment increases whatsoever. So, you know, there's that."
The B.L.S. reported the economy added 163,000 jobs in July, but this had no net effect on unemployment overall. "Although this isn't particularly encouraging, you can rest assured that the figures were calculated correctly, that we can promise you," said Wells.
After a light round of calisthenics that included sit ups and jogging in place, Wall Street finished half a pack of Camels before jumping into the late morning trading session to punish stocks across the board. Shortly before lunch, the Street did a quick line of coke before pushing stocks up in a brief feeding frenzy that only ended when the Nikkei called and cancelled their date at the new sushi joint on Lex.
Photo: Flickr/mrdorkesq
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