"TRUMP MEGA-AWESOME PRESIDENTIAL MEGA-TOWER," NEW YORK - President-elect Trump today announced additional appointments to his cabinet, following a brief $1,000/ticket raffle held among the nation's GOP elite and supporters.  "First, and this is the truth, I'm incredibly grateful for all of you showing me your support now that I've already won, you spineless losers," President-elect Trump said to the crowd.  "Not that I'm going to be vindictive or anything like that, no I won't.  But thank you too for spending a thousand dollars a ticket to be part of my adminstration, yes, get that right MY ADMINISTRATION, that horrible thing that you couldn't even stand to say in public a few short weeks ago.  SAD!"

Here's what we know so far:

Vice President of the United States - Mike "Tuppence" Pence

Department of State  - Machiavelli

Department of the Treasury  - One of Trump's children ("whoever")

Department of Defense  - Negan

Department of Justice - Omarosa (COME BACK!)

Department of the Interior  - "Get rid of it!"

Department of Agriculture - TBD

Department of Commerce  - Another one of Trump's children ("whoever's left")

Department of Labor - Kim Kardashian

Department of Health and Human Services - Carrot Top  

Department of Housing and Urban Development  - TBD

Department of Transportation - Kelsey Grammer  

Department of Energy  - TBD

Department of Education  - TBD

Department of Veterans Affairs  - TBD

Department of Homeland Security  - TBD

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