IRREVERENT Magazine is a news satire magazine: we were doing bogus news before it was popular.

TOKYO - A draft of a government report today suggested that it would be possible for the aging Emperor Akihito to "abdicate" his throne and retire, something which has not happened in 200 years in Japan.

"Please let me rest, I'm tired and desire soup," said Emperor Akihito.The aging Akihito, son of Hirohito, has been emperor since 1989 following his father.  Now in his eighties, the aging ruler desperately asked to "please be allowed to rest" in a recent televised address.  "I am very old now, and just want to retire," Akihito said, pleading.  "This is really a ceremonial position anyway, but the scrutiny is incredible.  I do not want to be filmed falling down or drooling or some such.  Please, please let me rest, I'm tired and desire soup."

Debate in the National Diet was, as usual, low-key.  Liberal Democratic leader Hidehisa Otsuji was overheard whispering to other leaders that "this would be a terrible precedent," while others bowed and whispered back, "he is old, and just wants soup, let the man be."

The Japanese public, meanwhile, has been generally sympathetic.  "The Emperor is a great man and beloved by everyone," said typical Japanese businesswoman Mura Hikito, whom we stopped on the street in Tokyo.  "He is also an older man who wants to enjoy retirement and simply enjoy his soup.  I say he is entitled."

"Yes, why not," agreed businessman Hiro Mikomoti, bowing profusely and handing me his business card.  "He desires soup and is substantially aged.  I would want the same at his age."

The Tokyo Stock Exchanged opened mixed this morning, following the Emperor's address last night, with soup and food retailers rising but high-tech issues taking a severe beating.  By the late morning, the tide had reversed as profit-taking smacked around soup issues, leaving high-tech conglomerates to take a victory lap after a strong rebound.

IRREVERENT Magazine is a news magazine parody: we were doing fake news before it was popular.

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