TWITTERSTAN, Iran—The Bush regime's foreign policy was vindicated today with an official announcement by newly re-elected Iranian President Mahmoud “A-Prez” Ahmadinejad.
Speaking at a press conference hastily called at the Iranian State Prison for Reporters, President Ahmadinejad confirmed evidence that the Iranians had imported American Style Democracy™ in a secret deal concluded with the Bush era State Department. “Well you know,” said Mr. Ahmadinejad, speaking through an interpreter, “once the election results were in, there was really no way we were going to be able to keep it secret. I mean the polls had me losing and suddenly I win in a landslide? What? I look like Harry Truman?” The President then held up a portrait of Truman and pointed repeatedly at it and at his own face. “See, not Truman. Not Truman at all.”
Reached for comment at the Old Scary Guy Retirement Home and Lawyer Hunting Lodge in Wyoming, Former Vice Presidenté Dick Cheney claimed victory in the battle to redeem the Bush administration's policy. “We always said that Iraq was about bringing American Style Democracy™ to the Middle East and we did it, contested elections and all. And this is nothing, just wait until they get the lobbyists.” Reminded that Iran was the topic of discussion, Cheney fired off two rounds from his shotgun, dropped three f-bombs, and vanished in a cloud of smoke.
Speaking for the Obama Administration from a gurney on her way to surgery to repair a broken elbow, a drawn and taciturn Hilary Clinton grudgingly congratulated the Bush team for their success. “We're extremely pleased that the former regime so ably demonstrated their competence at seeding the Middle East with American Style Democracy™. We hope the Iranians get everything they bargained for.”
On Capitol Hill, Senator Dianne “Oh So” Feinstein promised an investigation into the export deal. “Look, stealing elections is a dangerous technology. We have laws in this country about selling dangerous technology to rogue nations. And even if the export of American Style Democracy™ turns out to be legal, you can bet your ass that we'll be looking very closely at the fact that the opposition in Iran is using Twitter. I mean, my god if they're so busy Twitterizing, or whatever the hell it's called, who the hell is going to be pumping all the oil? Sarah Palin?”
On Wall Street reaction to the news of the export deal sparked a rally led by the IPO of CompSecure, INC (COMP), developers of internet security software, including Shredded Tweet, a Twitter encryption program, and ChemCare LTD,(CHMC) makers of “Some More Tears” brand tear gas.