
Eager to become a coupon king, Mr. Shepard began clipping every coupon he could get his hands on. In a perverse reversal of fortune, however, he found his grocery bills skyrocketing. "I don't know what the hell happened," the impoverished Mr. Shepard says, "I mean I'm 72 years old, I should know what's what, but I'll be damned if I can figure out how I went broke buying Pampers at $2.00 off. Or how in the world I managed to spend 20 bucks a week on discounted crab legs. Hell I don't even eat seafood. Well I ain't taking this lying down. I just found a coupon for a free legal consultation. I'll show those coupon guys to mess with Wally Shepard."
A spokesperson for the Coupon Printing Trade Association, speaking from the group's headquarters in a Brooklyn alleyway said that Mr. Shepard's complaint was without merit. "Yo, what the fuck? Is dis mook a fuck 'tard or what? What does some ol' fuck in fucking farm fuckin' country know about clippin' fuckin' coupons. Fuckin' Christ on a fuckin' crutch! I oughta break his fuckin' face that's what I oughta do."

While Mr. Shepard awaits his day in court, his coupon clipping ardor has cooled. "Well I couldn't afford it. I mean the way gas prices have jumped and all I couldn't drive fifty miles to the nearest store, and buy groceries, and pick up my Cialis and pay for some time with Bossie, my favorite gal down at Udderly Delicious. I mean something had to give. I still clip a coupon here and there but until I can figure out what to do with fifteen bolts of damask silk I think I'll keep the scissors in the drawer."
Wall Street, already feeling a little blue due to the rising cost of anti-depressants, responded with a sharp drop off on the news that coupon clipping may not save money. The Heng Seng advised the Street to "c'mon lets just lie down naked and take a nap. Nothin'll happen I promise." But the market still failed to rally.