PAUL PRUDHOMME BAY, Alaska – IRREVERENT Magazine can now report its role in Alaska Governor Sarah Palin's recent resignation.
Speaking at a hastily called press conference in this pristine Alaskan community one week after Governor Palin's surprise decision to resign, IRREVERENT Magazine publisher Scott Meadow revealed his magazine's responsibility in forcing the half-time governor and full time 2012 presidential candidate from office.
“I am extremely proud,” Meadow belched between mouthfuls of wild Alaska Salmon, “of our, and by our I mean exclusively my role in this endeavor. I can now reveal that I was the one that convinced Sarah that the 'Naughty Librarian' look of hers was tailor made for the porn industry. I told her in no uncertain terms that she was a totally hot M.I.L.F and that a career in porn would not only send millions of men reaching for the Jurgens, but that it would also be a cracker jack way for her to raise millions for her presidential candidacy. Hell I myself went through a couple of boxes of Kleenex the night of her acceptance speech. I'd have gone through three if only she'd come out in a cat suit with a whip.”
When asked by an IRREVERENT staff reporter known only as “TM” whether perhaps, given the governor's recent statements that she was tired of the effect entertainers had on the political process, it might have been IRREVERENT Senior Gadfly Tyrone Mercer's recent reference to Palin's daughter, Bristol, staying at the Alaska Home for Unwed Embarrassments that had actually contributed to the governor's resignation, Mr. Meadow spluttered forcefully, “Look, Ty's a great guy and I won't have a word said against him. Especially within earshot of his lawyer. But I know the governor intimately, very intimately, and she just wanted to make dirty pictures. I would encourage porn producers everywhere to jump on this opportunity like a red-blooded Alaska lad jumps on Bristol. I mean come on. Did you see the recent cover of Time where she was wearing those sandals with those delicious little purple painted toes? Oh my God. Now, if you'll excuse me.” Mr. Meadow, panting heavily and reaching for a nearby bottle of olive oil, then quickly exited the room.
Tyrone Mercer was unavailable for comment on either his or Mr. Meadow's role in the Palin resignation due to an extended vacation in the Appalachian Mountains of Argentina, but Hashimoto Suntori, Mr. Meadow's lawyer, issued the following inscrutable haiku press release:
“The cherry blossom falls
but the film runs forever.
Can we ever know?”
Reaction on Wall Street to the revelations of IRREVERENT Magazine's role in the Palin affair was generally favorable for the porn sector and for most entertainment content providers. Shares of World Wide Pants, however, dropped sharply around the ankles.