MADISON - Wis. Governor Scott Walker (R) was escorted from a local flea market today following a heated ShamWow price dispute.
Sources close to the governor told IRREVERENT that the governor was "very interested" in purchasing a ShamWow from one of the flea-market's pitchmen, but the seller "kept changing prices.. and [Governor Walker] flatly refused to negotiate."
The pitchman, Mr. Mike Smith of Mequon, Wisconsin, said the governor was "pretty damn angry" at him, despite being offered progressively "better and better deals" as the pitch went on. "By the end there," said Smith, "I was giving him three ShamWows, four pick-up sponges, a bucket, and FIVE astronaut pens, all for $29.99!" Sources near this reporter were impressed by the deal as of this writing.
Scott Bakula, Governor Walker's spokesperson (no relation to the actor), called the incident "regrettable" but characterized it as a "non-event." "The fact is," said Bakula, "the governor feels very strongly that a price is a price, and it should be clearly stated in an up-front and transparent manner. The seller, in this case, angered him personally, but that has absolutely no reflection on anything other than a man getting upset at a pitchman."
Wall Street jumped for joy on the news, lighting shares of non-unionized companies on fire after a wide-spread buying spree that left Wal-Mart up 3 1/2 and FedEx up 2 1/4, before investors realized they couldn't trade shares of Koch Industries and enthusiasm waned. By the bell, all was virtually unchanged for the non-union companies, but the Street did comment that "this was far from over" in an ominous tone.
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