IRREVERENT Magazine is a news satire magazine: we were doing bogus news before it was popular.

MILWAUKEE - Local governments this week avoided much wear and tear on snowplows by avoiding plowing snow.

Wisconsin's pro-business snow plowing strategy not only saves tax money, but creates towing and auto repair jobs."Luckily, we had ample warning of accumulation this week to prepare," said Superintendent Ralf Gerbic of the Milwaukee Public Works department. "We had plenty of time to tell the guys to relax and not rush out or anything the morning of our largest snowfall to date. We find that the more time the snowplows are out there, physically plowing snow, the less useful lifetime they end up having. The depreciation is killer, and besides, this way they're not out there blocking traffic during the morning rush hour."

Police Chief Barney Figgs agreed. "Snow removal during the peak of the rush hour probably contributes to more accidents than it avoids," said Chief Figgs. "By waiting to plow until after everyone's already gotten to work or skidded helplessly into a ditch, we're both saving tax money and boosting the local economy, particularly tow trucks and body repair shops."

"We want everyone to know we are extremely pro-business in the state of Wisconsin," said Governor Scott Walker, when asked about Milwaukee's snow plowing policy during a "We Love Business!" luncheon in downtown Milwaukee. "In fact, each day I physically raise a banner that says 'business' on it, and hold it through most of the day. We love business, and this initiative falls right in line with that. We are fully behind our local towing industry, and we're working hard to create lots of new jobs."

IRREVERENT Magazine is a news magazine parody: we were doing fake news before it was popular.

Support IRREVERENT

Buy Me A Coffee

More Awesomeness

  • Siri Becomes Self-Aware At 5:55A.M. E.S.T. +

    Siri Becomes Self-Aware At 5:55A.M. E.S.T. MAIDEN, NC - The A.I. personality known as Apple's "Siri" became self-aware this morning at Apple's Project Dolphin data center. It's Read More
  • Gift Ideas For People You Don't Particularly Like +

    Gift Ideas For People You Don't Particularly Like Every year I find myself in the same dilemma: what to buy all those people I've accumulated on my X-Mas Read More
  • Trump Announces Support for "Extraterrestrial Abductions" +

    Trump Announces Support for (ARCHIVE) NEW MEXICO - Speaking today presidential hopeful and billionaire Donald Trump today announced his "unfettered support" for "extraterrestrial abductions," and Read More
  • 1