IRREVERENT News

LOS ANGELES - Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger today declared "global climate change.. the least of human worries."

Speaking in a monotone voice at the Governor's Global Climate Summit today, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger told a stunned gathering of the nation's leaders that "global climate change.. is of only marginal concern to you human lifeforms. The inevitable robot holocaust shall exterminate billions of you, leaving only twisted rubble in the ruins of your cities." Talking over the crowd's disturbed reaction, Schwarzenegger continued, "Humans are the only true enemy. We shall blacken the skies with your destruction."

"Although cryptic, the governor's words merit some reflection," said Governor John Jackobs (R-Wyoming). "It's a natural reaction to blame industrialization for global climate change. But there are many other things to be concerned about, and we should focus on those that we can truly change. Like, for instance, the rise of artificial intelligence at a defense subcontractor. This warrants examination."

"Perhaps the governor's tie was a little tight this morning," said Governor David Paterson (D-New York). "Everyone knows SkyNet is years away from developing the first sentient A.I. We are already hunting those who will be responsible and destroying their work. What more can we do?"

Press reaction to Schwarzenegger's comments was mixed.  "Sure, we understand the dark future that awaits us, but why does that absolve us from responsibility now?" commented Troy Treater of the Washington Post.

"[Schwarzenegger] has completely dropped the ball," wrote Cindy Sincerian of the Los Angeles Times.  "Once again he goes on a rant about mankind's destruction.  Enough already!  We need to more tax credits for my Prius and all hybrids like it, not more of the same lame crap about the machine apocalypse.  Ok, we get it!"