WASHINGTON - Sources close to the DNC today told IRREVERENT they were secretly financing Sarah Palin's bus tour along with "most of what she does."
"Best money we've ever spent," the cynical source said. "She opens her yap and it's better than a 30 second Superbowl ad for an Obama second term! Paul Revere a traitor for alerting the British?! BRILLIANT! More, please!"
Not every Democrat is happy with the plan, however. Dennis Kucinich, D-OH, expressing surprise that anyone was talking to him, said that funding Palin (without her knowledge) was "like playing keep away with the retarded kid down the street." At a hastily called press conference attended only by a bored writer on the Harvard Crimson, Kucinich called the plan, "...just plain cruel. I mean, look at the girl, sitting there all doe-eyed, her long lustrous locks tied back into a severe....librarian's......b-b-bunnnnn...oh god!" before quickly excusing himself to rub out "a peace plan for Libya".
Reached for comment on their yachts currently moored of the Grand Caymans, Republican oligarchs treated the news with disdain. "It just goes to prove how badly the Democrats manage money," said Oligarch in Chief John Boehner, smoking a cigar. "First they 'bailout' the economy, claiming that a 'depression' was imminent, then, they try to provide 'jobs' and 'healthcare' for the people they claim were hardest hit by the 'recession', and, finally, they give money to Sarah Palin. Talk about throwing good money after bad. Do we really want these people in charge of the 'public' purse strings any longer?"
President Obama, meanwhile, had harsh words for the media for following the story. "Look. We have. A lot of. Problems. In our country and the. World to deal. With. Right. Now. We. Have. A record debt. Citizens are going hung. Ry. and Congressmen showing their. Junk on. The. Internet. Maybe we should. Tackle. These problems first before. We talk about. Who's paying for what."
Wall Street greeted the news with skepticism as stocks closed mixed on Tuesday. Analysts seemed to agree that the news would have little effect on the political future of the country. Said one trader at Goldman Sachs, who nearly choked to death laughing after asked the question, "Do you really think it makes a fucking difference to us? We'll get our money either way. We're goddamn Goldman Sachs!"
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