IRREVERENT News

WITCHITA - A local office worker confessed today to losing thousands in stock trades he did by surfing the web and asking coworkers for input.

"It's true I have no degree in economics or finance," confessed Bill Zeedy, a middle-manager at a local bank. "I work on computers all day. But I follow this stuff pretty closely. I bet I spend eight or nine hours a day surfing the web, and I pick up a lot of good tips."

One day, for example, Zeedy spent the entire day discussing Warren Buffet's investment strategies, the benefits of relaxed tax policy, what Steve Jobs did wrong at Apple, and why, ultimately, Microsoft is doomed.

"He sits in his cube and just starts talking with anyone who's listening about whatever happens to be on his mind," said Marty Vander, a coworker. "One time it's a detailed description of his lunch. Next it's how much he wants a Coke. Then it's reading a paragraph from some company's annual report that he found interesting... but it wasn't. All I want him to do is shut up, but it's easier to just hang by the copier for a half hour or so until he's done."

"I don't know why he does that all day," said Will Smith, another coworker. "It's just his opinions about stuff nobody's asked him about. [Zeedy's] the center of his own little universe. Doesn't he have work to do?"

Nevertheless, despite recent losses, Zeedy sticks by his trading method. "There's a gold mine of information out there, you just need to find it, especially without leaving my cubicle. Who has time to read everything? It's a lot easier to just ask people about stuff and see if it makes sense than pay for a lot of biased research."

Photo Credit: Flickr/David Boyle