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There are just certain things that make me shake my head, and say, "Wow, you are an idiot." Bumper stickers are stupid. Let me say that again. Bumper stickers are stupid. I am not so bored in traffic, nor am I so feeble minded that your idiotic sticker means anything to me other than to point directly to the fact that you are, indeed, an idiot. Now pay attention, people. This sticker, "God is my co-pilot", makes me want ro ram into the back of your car, causing severe injury and trauma. The reason is simple. You don't have a co-pilot. Nor are you flying an aircraft. It is a 1998 Oldsmobile. God wouldn't be caught dead in it. BUT, I am very open minded, so I am thinking that you can prove your contention by praying hard enough to stop my truck from demolishing your car and causing you permanent injury. Want to give it a try? I didn't think so. Take the stupid sticker off. Idiot.

This one is one of my favorites, "God is pro-life". Really? What is the infant mortality rate, again? Is your God taking a lunch and his substitute has limited powers? What is your rationale for the deaths of countless impoverished newborns brought into a life of suffering and pain? I only ask because the last time that I checked, LIFE means just that. It means not dead. People die, therefore God is NOT pro-life, but actually his business is booming, thanks to death. Huh, who would have thought. I KNOW, anyone who isn't a moron. Idiot. I will only make you suffer through one more, in that same line of thinking. This particular sticker says it all, folks. "God bless America and our troops". Are you serious? Do you even realize what that sticker says? First of all, why tack on "...and our troops" at the end? I thought your God was all knowing and all powerful. I am confused as to why you have to remind him that we have troops that may not actually be living in America right at this moment. Secondly, please stop blessing the country that prides itself on it's cultural and religious diversity with your feeble God that can't even keep track of where all the people are that he is to be blessing. By the way, what the hell is "blessing"? Whatever it is, he must be doing a piss poor job, because our troops keep dying. Sorry to state the obvious, and show you what a simpleton you are. Idiot.

If I see one more "My child is an honor's student at BLAH BLAH middle school", I am going to lose my mind. Listen, you moron. I don't care. As a matter of fact, YOUR kid is an honor's student because we have dumbed down our education system in this country so that your stupid little Connor and Kaitlin can make the freakin honor roll. Are you even aware of how far behind other countries we are in educating our youth? I bet that you aren't. The only thing that matters to you is making sure that your baby has a "feel good" moment when you put that stupid sticker on your car. Well, I have news for you. I hope that little Connor has taken a second language. He is going to need it when one of the many higher educated countries take our stupid asses over. Then maybe he can work at McDonalds. Put THAT on a sticker. "My son is manager of McDonalds". Be proud. Idiot.

[inset pos=right]You DO know that you are driving a car, right? I am just checking because, for the life of me, I cannot grasp how "Save our planet" belongs on a vehicle that pollutes our planet.[/inset]Now, I understand that you are, and should be, ashamed that you voted for Senator McCain for president. However, you have NOT redeemed yourself by simply cutting HIS name off of the sticker on your car, and leaving PALIN behind. Read that sentence again. Do you see the ending? Here, I will point it out for you. "....leaving Palin behind". That is what the rest of the country has done. Try to keep up. Idiot.

Bush '04. For the love of everything unholy, would you PLEASE take that off. We know, he won. We know, you voted for him. Is this really a fact that you are proud of? Let me tell you what that sticker means to me. It means that you were an idiot then, and you are an even bigger idiot now. I know this because BUSH IS AN IDIOT! Put this sticker on your car, "My Pet Goat". Now there is a Bush accomplishment that we can all be proud of. Idiot.

You DO know that you are driving a car, right? I am just checking because, for the life of me, I cannot grasp how "Save our planet" belongs on a vehicle that pollutes our planet. How would you like me to save it? How about I take your keys from you, and you can peddle your stupid ass to where you are going! Don't preach to me about our planet by displaying such hypocrisy. You are making the people who actually practice what they preach look bad. I should cover your sticker with "God save our planet". Then you could fit in with the idiots on the other side of the fence. Moron.

Is there a website or a store that sells a "Conservative Idiot Kit"? I am asking because there has to be a rational explanation for why I see groups of the same stupid stickers vomitted all over beat up trucks. Now, focus you jerk. Could you PLEASE explain to me why you have the following stickers all over your truck? A black and white "POW" sticker, a "Bush '04" sticker, that stupid sticker that looks like an offical seal, but is actually just your membership to the NRA, "God, Guns, and Gold", a sticker featuring a little boy peeing on a Ford/Chevy emblem, a confederate flag, and a decal of some antlered animal that you plan to shoot. Does any of this really make any sense to you, or did you just get a good deal on your kit? How many proof of purchases from SKOAL did it cost you to get that stupid bunch of crap? Basically, all it says to me is, "I like to kill stuff, and I want the POWs returned unharmed." Think about that. It also says, "I am a racist bigot, and I would like to pee on your vehicle because it is different than mine." Now there is one more statement here, "I voted for Bush, and now our country is broke, and I have turned my assets (tractor and beer cans full of change) into gold." WTF???? Idiot is not a strong enough word for you. I will have to get back to you later when I think of a better one.

So, I think that I have made my point about bumper stickers, but there is just one last thing that begs to be said. WOULD YOU PLEASE, AT LEAST, PUT THEM ON STRAIGHT??? Holy hell, people. You bought the stupid thing because it was a message that you JUST HAD to display to every person unfortunate enough to be stuck behind you. Why, for the love of hell, can you NOT pay attention long enough to put it on the car straight? That adds an extra degree of stupidity to this process. People who put bumper stickers on their cars and trucks are idiots, but YOU are in a class even below them. If it isn't important enough to you to put it on the car straight, how about you just don't bother? Idiot.

Roberta is the mother of three young sons rapidly approaching adolescence. She is a 35 year old Freelance Writer residing in Western PA. Roberta's most recent articles and essays have been published in, Cynics Online, WE Women Magazine, Truth Magazine, Daily Kos, OpEd News, Power Women Magazine and Healthy Place.com. She has lived all her life in a middle class, real world, suburban setting, and uses her skills as a communicator and writer to convey a message, purely in the hopes that someone, anyone is listening.  Her blog is online at http://welcometowords.blogspot.com.