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LOST ANGELES, CA - Missing National Rifle Association (NYSE:  GUN) celebrity spokesman Chuck Heston resurfaced today at a hastily prepared press conference in the Lost Angles Hilton.

AUSTIN, TEXAS - Representatives of the Department of Homeland Security yesterday put down the cyborg Cheney 2006 using a mixture of military and conventional weaponry.

CORPUS WHITTINGTON, TX - In an incident eerily similar to the murderous rampage of the Cheney 2006 Cybernetic Vice Presidentialator, Vice Presidenté for Life Dick "Vader" Cheney discovered why lawyers make such troublsome prey this weekend when his attempts to bring down a 78 year old trophy buck failed despite wounding the target in the head.

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