IRREVERENT News

REDMOND, WA - Signalling the emergence of more green shoots in the economy, the one entrepreneur still unengaged in bankruptcy proceedings hired an assistant today.

Speaking at a hastily called press conference, Bill Gates, Chairman of scrappy little start-up company Microsoft, announced that the economy had sufficiently revived enough that he needs "to bring on some more help.  I find that I can no longer run this company from my garage.  I'm pleased to introduce to you the newest member of the Microsoft team, Steve Jobs.  Steve doesn't have much experience in the software industry, but when I heard his medical bills nearly drove him onto the street following his bout with liver cancer, well I knew that he was the right guy for the job...er position."

The White House hailed the news and immediately placed a new mark on the "Jobs Recovery Tracking Board."  Economic Recovery Tsar Nicholas Theesecond said in a press release, "This is a great day for America, it proves that the President's plan is working despite the failure of his attempt to bring jobs and streets of Olympic gold to Chicago."

Over at the Department of Health and Human Services, reaction to the news of Jobs' hiring was more restrained.  "We're very happy that Mr. Jobs has found a position.  We would like to point out, however, that if the United States had universal health coverage, Mr. Jobs wouldn't have needed to take on such a low paying, demeaning work.  He could have lived a noble life as a cancer survivor following his true calling in life, not as a low-wage drone in an industry not suited to his true talents."

Wall Street reacted violently to the notion that the economy was recovering and that government handouts to financial firms might soon end by immediately buying up supplies of Roundup herbicide.  "We'll show you green shoots."