IRREVERENT News

WASHINGTON - The Zombie Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg today voted in favor of sweeping new rights for the undead.

The Zombie Justice was hospitalized earlier with a marked decrease in appetite for the brains of the living. "It was as if she had lost her will to remain undead," said one longtime confidant and friend of the Zombie Justice. "When she was released [from the hospital], though, it was like she was freshly killed all over again. I haven't seen her have this much energy in two or three hundred years!"

The Zombie Justice's first official move back on the court was to cast the deciding vote in upholding the controversial "Rights of the Living Dead Act," after lobbying hard to uphold its constitutionality. The Act's most vocal opponent, the Justice Antonin Scalia, was eventually persuaded after the zombie Ginsburg ate Scalia's brain, and the Justice was resurrected as the undead himself (left).

Observers have noted that the controversial bill, once declared "dead on arrival" by the Senate, had gone through an almost supernatural resurrection process itself.  "It's not often you get a bill with these many sweeping reforms from anonymous sources," said Senator Hugh McHuffington (R-Kentucky). "Short of the PATRIOT Act, I can't recall ever voting for a bill that promised so many changes.  Support was weak and just got weaker.  When it passed, everyone knew this was a test case made in heaven... or the underworld, I guess."

Among other items, the bill promised the "living undead... equal rights of status, property, and possession.. with the living," as well as "full recognition" of the undead's right to "marriage with the living or supernatural creature, without distinction."  A small opposition team, assembled by Representative Jimmy "John" Van Helsing IV (D-Ohio), eventually financed the case of "Gorg vs. The United States" -- in which a zombie was turned down for a restaurant business license in Mississippi without "due process" -- all the way to the high court.