HOLLYWOOD - The Centers for Disease Control today announced "Oscar™ Fever" has officially reached "pandemic proportions."
Millions of Americans are infected with the fever, according to CDC Director Dr. Alan Allenton. The disease is believed to be a viral variant of "Oscar™ Buzz," although with a much more potent pathology. "With Oscar™ Buzz," said Dr. Allenton, "we would expect minor symptoms like euphoria, giddiness, even a latent feeling of hope and goodwill toward your fellow man. Although highly unusual these days, Oscar™ Buzz doesn't present much of a threat to the nation's health care system. Oscar™ Fever, however, is much more toxic and a thousand times more dangerous."
The fever has ravaged the Hollywood community, laying waste to large swaths of Bevery Hills and greater Los Angeles. Director James Cameron has been bed-ridden for weeks with the disease, as has Kathryn Bigelow who's movie "The Hurt Locker" alone has reportedly infected 50% of the greater Los Angeles area and much of the movie-going population.
"This one does not follow normal disease vectors," said Dr. Allenton. "It appears to spread through movie theaters and internet sites, making it perhaps the first cyber-infection in history that has real-world symptomology. Those geeks in China sure are getting clever."
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