IRREVERENT News

HOLLYWOOD - Fox today announced the start of a new prime-time show where hosts do nothing but read internet comments and tweets.

Called "InterTubes," the show will be hosted initially by Scott Bakula. Bakula will introduce others and everyone will take turns reading selected user comments from internet news articles and blogs, tweets, and Facebook updates, organized around some general theme.

"We're talking about a revolutionary new concept in mass market entertainment," said Daryl Vichy, Fox' chief Reality Programming. "We outsourced talent with reality shows, and now we're outsourcing the writing entirely. No more carefully scripted ad-libs, cat fights, or bitchy chefs. Nobody needs to be voted off and there's nothing to win. Just Bakula reading tweets against a green screen. I'm a genius!"

Not everyone was quite as happy as Vichy. "Call the fight, everyone, Hollywood has completely thrown in the towel," blogged Curt Winter, who covers primetime network news in his blog "EveryoneHurtz." "What's next? 'House Painters of Orange County'? 'Celebrity Foundation Repair'? How about 'Hillbilly Moonshine Bloggers'? Will the laziness never end?"

Advertisers, however, have been quick to book business on the show's one hour pilot debut November 10th, with luxury automaker Bolls Boyce, condom kingpin Rojan, and laxative maker Bulcolax all securing prime 30 second spots.

[inset pos=right]Greta Garbo wouldn't last three minutes on 'Survivor: South Pacific.' Think about it.[/inset]"We love the idea of Bakula just standing there reading random comments from people," read the press statement from Rojan. "We can suggest all sorts of things favorable to our brand behind him on the green screen. It's cheap and you avoid dealing with divas. By the way, we like that 'Celebrity Foundation Repair' show idea too, tweet us a pitch ASAP."

Internet comments on the page announcing the show were a mixed bag. "Guest4952" called the show "stoopidst thing i'd heard ever" [sic], while "gleekMagnate4" said the show "would prolly be the oly one make it" [sic]. Shortly thereafter the comment thread degraded into a frenzy of comment bashing, trolling and spam.

Reached in the middle of hacking Scarlett Johansson's cell phone, News Corp. spokesman Fred Dillyhammer played down the naysayers. "Every advance in entertainment has had its critics," said Dillyhammer. "When the talkies came out, a lot of smart people said it was the end. But you know what? Greta Garbo wouldn't last three minutes on 'Survivor: South Pacific.' Think about it."

DISCLAIMER THAT OUR LAWYERS INSISTED WE JAM IN HERE: In reality, such a show does NOT exist. Yet. And if it did, and Scott Bakula would be attached to it, that would be entirely coincidental and have nothing to do with us. Unless the network executives GOT the idea from reading this. In which case, yes, we'd have sparked the idea. In any case, this is meant to be funny and NOT imply the endorsement of Fox nor Scott Bakula, who we think is a fine and talented actor, for anything we write or do.