LOS ANGELES - Crystal Harris (25) has called it quits with Hugh Hefner but immediately began seeing crazy "rapture prophet" Harold Camping.
In a stunning turn of affairs, the 25 year old Playboy model Tweeted followers that "[Harold] Camping is the luv my life has needed 4 evr!" within hours after dumping fiance Hugh Hefner. "She's a free spirit, and I can't say I blame her," said Hef, the geriatric patriarch of Playboy Enterprises. "In the 70s chicks were lining up to do a line of blow off my weiner. Nowadays, I'm happy with a descent bowel movement, to be perfectly honest. I've had more than my share of pu**y anyway. Crystal? Hell, I couldn't pick her out of a lineup."
Following the news, Camping suffered severe chest pains and was driven to the hospital, where surgeons have kept the demented prophet in sedated but stable condition since. Sources close to the crackpot have reported the two only met "briefly" before the Tweet, and it was "quite a shock" to "the old guy's heart."
Shares of Viagra rose sharply higher on the news, but dropped an hour or so later.