IRREVERENT Magazine is a news satire magazine: we were doing bogus news before it was popular.

LOS ANGELES - Crystal Harris (25) has called it quits with Hugh Hefner but immediately began seeing crazy "rapture prophet" Harold Camping.

Hugh Hefner was dumped by fiance Crystal Harris only to be replaced by Harold Camping.In a stunning turn of affairs, the 25 year old Playboy model Tweeted followers that "[Harold] Camping is the luv my life has needed 4 evr!" within hours after dumping fiance Hugh Hefner.  "She's a free spirit, and I can't say I blame her," said Hef, the geriatric patriarch of Playboy Enterprises.  "In the 70s chicks were lining up to do a line of blow off my weiner.  Nowadays, I'm happy with a descent bowel movement, to be perfectly honest.  I've had more than my share of pu**y anyway.  Crystal?  Hell, I couldn't pick her out of a lineup."

Following the news, Camping suffered severe chest pains and was driven to the hospital, where surgeons have kept the demented prophet in sedated but stable condition since.  Sources close to the crackpot have reported the two only met "briefly" before the Tweet, and it was "quite a shock" to "the old guy's heart."

Shares of Viagra rose sharply higher on the news, but dropped an hour or so later.

 

IRREVERENT Magazine is a news magazine parody: we were doing fake news before it was popular.

Support IRREVERENT

Buy Me A Coffee

More Awesomeness

  • Siri Becomes Self-Aware At 5:55A.M. E.S.T. +

    Siri Becomes Self-Aware At 5:55A.M. E.S.T. MAIDEN, NC - The A.I. personality known as Apple's "Siri" became self-aware this morning at Apple's Project Dolphin data center. It's Read More
  • Gift Ideas For People You Don't Particularly Like +

    Gift Ideas For People You Don't Particularly Like Every year I find myself in the same dilemma: what to buy all those people I've accumulated on my X-Mas Read More
  • Trump Announces Support for "Extraterrestrial Abductions" +

    Trump Announces Support for (ARCHIVE) NEW MEXICO - Speaking today presidential hopeful and billionaire Donald Trump today announced his "unfettered support" for "extraterrestrial abductions," and Read More
  • 1