IRREVERENT Magazine is a news satire magazine: we were doing bogus news before it was popular.

TOLEDO - Local man Carson Kellogg was incredibly angry this morning when his new smartphone dropped into the toilet at work.

Kellogg dropped his phone into the toilet trying to push the flush button.The phone -- a Motorola ES400S -- was special ordered by Kellogg for international use. He paid $550 plus surcharges.

"DAMMIT!!" Kellogg screamed as he stared helplessly into the toilet bowl. Of course, he had just finished using the facility and was about to flush. "DAMMIT!!!" he screamed again.

Kellogg had been using the phone inside the stall to play a quick game of Tetris, and had put the phone in his breast pocket. The phone fell into the toilet as he reached over to press the flush button.

"He was pretty angry," said co-worker Osmond Booner, who had been using a urinal a few feet away. "I learned a few new curse words in there, and I was in a frat at NYU," Booner said, chuckling.

Hoping to retrieve the phone after evacuating the toilet contents, Kellogg pressed the flush button, swearing profusely. Unfortunately, thanks to the recently installed, extra powerful flushing mechanism, that just swept the phone into the sewer, prompting more cursing from Kellogg.

"He made me call maintenance to see if they could fish it out," said office manager Michelle Chiarina. "I don't honestly know what he expected. Is he really going to use it now?"

Despite maintenance man Herb Ermete's best efforts, however, the phone proved irretrievable, although offered hours worth of comic material for Ermete and his co-workers.

"He paid $550 for that thing," said Ermete, laughing. "What a putz!"

IRREVERENT Magazine is a news magazine parody: we were doing fake news before it was popular.

Support IRREVERENT

Buy Me A Coffee

More Awesomeness

  • Siri Becomes Self-Aware At 5:55A.M. E.S.T. +

    Siri Becomes Self-Aware At 5:55A.M. E.S.T. MAIDEN, NC - The A.I. personality known as Apple's "Siri" became self-aware this morning at Apple's Project Dolphin data center. It's Read More
  • Gift Ideas For People You Don't Particularly Like +

    Gift Ideas For People You Don't Particularly Like Every year I find myself in the same dilemma: what to buy all those people I've accumulated on my X-Mas Read More
  • Trump Announces Support for "Extraterrestrial Abductions" +

    Trump Announces Support for (ARCHIVE) NEW MEXICO - Speaking today presidential hopeful and billionaire Donald Trump today announced his "unfettered support" for "extraterrestrial abductions," and Read More
  • 1