HOLLYWOOD - Twentieth-Century Fox announced today that it was greenlighting a film about the infamously nonexistent Bowling Green Massacre, where two Iranian nationals failed to blow up dozens of people using improvised exploding devices in Bowling Green, Kentucky.
“We fell in love with the script,” said Jim Jameson, Head of Worldwide Productions. “It’s a detective story, basically, where this brave heroine tracks down the killers and tells the world of their crimes. But was it all just a dream? Is she actually totally insane? Just a liar? It’s ‘The Wizard of Oz’ meets ‘Total Recall’; we think audiences are going to love it! At least 49% of them but that’s a lot.”
Although little of the plot has been released, the film, written by actor Gary Busey, follows the build-up and aftermath of one of the nation’s most famous terrorist attacks that didn’t take place. “I wanted to play with the ideas of dreams and reality, truth and fiction, how truth is as subjective as fiction,” said Busey. “This is really some of my best work yet. I was able to dribble some of my ineffable, alien life essence into this work, from the innermost chasm of my own orgasmic consciousness. My power cannot be denied: whatever I do or say cannot be denied on the intergalactic highway of existence.”
Industry insiders have reported similar films in the pipeline at other major studios. “It’s rumored that MGM has a ‘Bowling Green’ thing with Stephen Baldwin attached,” said Janice Janetson, chief entertainment correspondent at “Whatever” magazine. “And Paramount has a sci-fi take on the same thing with Arnold Schwarzenegger playing the President, and Kaitlyn Olson as the lone, brave heroine telling the world of the massacre that didn’t happen. Or did it, right. This could be another ‘Deep Impact,’ ‘Armageddon’ situation, only with a fake premise.”
Wall Street reacted by snorting a line of H and lighting its own farts.