WASHINGTON- In last night's State of the Union address, President Obama laid out his 2008 election-year agenda for United States foreign and domestic policies. "It may be seven years late, but it's still definitely stuff that needs to get accomplished," the President explained.
Behind him, Vice-President Joe Biden jerked himself awake and Speaker of the House John Boehner sneered.
"America is facing a lot of stuff and the middle-class needs to be able to pay for all the stuff we force them to purchase, like health care, day care, and hell everything else with 'care' in it," President Obama said. "It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if they made just a tiny, teensy bit more money, would it?"
At this point, Democrats wildly applauded while Republicans amused themselves playing Words With Friends.
In their response, Senator Joni Ernst (R-Iowa) -- the world's first fully animatronic elected figure -- outlined how much she, and other Republicans, absolutely hate President Obama, all of his policies, and everything he stands for.
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