FLORIDA - Former reality-television star Donald Trump today was found guilty of fraud by the New York judge handling the case. At a rally near the actor's Mar-a-Lago resort-home, supporters went from merely "angry" to outright "frenzy" status on the news, as determined by A.I. Crowd Reader, a new phone app for taking the "emotional temperature" of gathered crowds.
"The crowd was definitely in 'frenzy' territory," explained ACR CEO Sam Frenkin. "At this point they're basically one stupid remark or idiotic slogan away from destroying a small town or village, whatever happens to be nearby."
Trump, meanwhile -- dozens of feet away from the crowd -- dismissed the judge's ruling as a "non-event" that "many, many people have said never even happened." "Yes, I read the reports on my phone, well my assistant did, ok my youngest son did, he read it to me," Trump told reporters. "Immediately many people around me starting saying that it was completely untrue, that they never read that, and in fact, when I grabbed the phone back from him, my son, it wasn't there either. So now I'm thinking it probably never happened in the first place."
Nevertheless, New York Judge William Billington -- who insisted that he "existed" -- confirmed that he "did in fact rule against him [Trump]," finding him liable for reporting fraudulent financial statements for nearly a decade. "Yes, it actually happened," confirmed Judge Billington.