HIDDEN BUNKER, MN - In what has become their typical response to controversy, IRREVERENT Magazine staffers once again moved the global headquarters of the world's most beloved humor and satire web 'zine into this bucolic upper-Midwest town.
As usual the exodus completely flummoxed the hordes of reporters seeking comment on a news article for which IRREVERENT completely denies responsibility.
In a hastily scrawled press release taped jauntily underneath a "Gone Fishin'" sign on the front door, IRREVERENT claimed that a recent news item on the Reuters.com website about Dutch pedophiles creating a political party was not, contrary to appearances, written by any IRREVERENT writer.
"IRREVERENT Magazine regrets any confusion that may have been caused by our own cutting edge satire," the release read. It went on to claim, with no evident proof, that: "All IRREVERENT staffers are highly trained and heavily edited. We can bang out world-class fake news standing on our heads, but we cannot foresee, nor can we be held legally responsible for, the creation of a Dutch political party dedicated to pedophilia."
Senior Writer and Media Analyst Tyrone Mercer, last seen ducking into IRREVERENT HQ with a case of tequila, a couple of Swedish au pairs, and a crate of mountaineering gear, refused to comment on the incident saying only that he expected to be "tying down some loose ends vis a vis US/Swedish relations."
In response to pressure from the rest of the world's media, IRREVERENT Editor, Scott Meadow, speaking from his yacht during the recent Monaco Grand Prix, issued a statement. "I'm sorry that I'm unable to provide assistance to my staff at this particularly stressful time," Meadow said between regular feedings of roast suckling pig and Moët et Chandon Champagne. "The amount of work that those guys do is absolutely incredible. I've never seen a more dedicated and hardworking group of individuals in my life, okay maybe once or twice max. It's a source of some regret to me that, market forces being what they are, I can't pay them above the going rate for such top-notch talent. In fact I think after a large operating loss this year, caused by the huge expense of moving our headquarters, we'll have to think about making some significant cutbacks. Now, who wants caviar?"
Reaction among the citizens of Hidden Bunker was remarkably calm even though the move resulted in no increased local tax revenue. "Oh sure, well a lot of folks around here think that Mr. Mercer is a little stuck up doncha know, what with keeping his shoes on when he needs to count past twelve," said town Mayor Bob Gunderfoundermesserralphensen, "but they come up here to Minnesota all the time now so we're used to their high falutin' ways, oh sure. Of course there was that time Mr. Meadow threw up my wife's Tuna Hot Dish at the ice cream social, but you know, she didn't use any Campbell's Cream of Mushroom soup so, oh sure, it wasn't as good."
Wall Street, closed for the Memorial Day weekend, opened Tuesday to the news of IRREVERENT moving by sending shares of A Certain Other Satirical News Weekly, Inc. (NYSE: CRAP) soaring. The gains were given back later in the day however once mysterious rumors began circulating that several of the "writers" were key backers of the new Dutch party.
In a hastily scrawled press release taped jauntily underneath a "Gone Fishin'" sign on the front door, IRREVERENT claimed that a recent news item on the Reuters.com website about Dutch pedophiles creating a political party was not, contrary to appearances, written by any IRREVERENT writer.
"IRREVERENT Magazine regrets any confusion that may have been caused by our own cutting edge satire," the release read. It went on to claim, with no evident proof, that: "All IRREVERENT staffers are highly trained and heavily edited. We can bang out world-class fake news standing on our heads, but we cannot foresee, nor can we be held legally responsible for, the creation of a Dutch political party dedicated to pedophilia."
Senior Writer and Media Analyst Tyrone Mercer, last seen ducking into IRREVERENT HQ with a case of tequila, a couple of Swedish au pairs, and a crate of mountaineering gear, refused to comment on the incident saying only that he expected to be "tying down some loose ends vis a vis US/Swedish relations."
In response to pressure from the rest of the world's media, IRREVERENT Editor, Scott Meadow, speaking from his yacht during the recent Monaco Grand Prix, issued a statement. "I'm sorry that I'm unable to provide assistance to my staff at this particularly stressful time," Meadow said between regular feedings of roast suckling pig and Moët et Chandon Champagne. "The amount of work that those guys do is absolutely incredible. I've never seen a more dedicated and hardworking group of individuals in my life, okay maybe once or twice max. It's a source of some regret to me that, market forces being what they are, I can't pay them above the going rate for such top-notch talent. In fact I think after a large operating loss this year, caused by the huge expense of moving our headquarters, we'll have to think about making some significant cutbacks. Now, who wants caviar?"Reaction among the citizens of Hidden Bunker was remarkably calm even though the move resulted in no increased local tax revenue. "Oh sure, well a lot of folks around here think that Mr. Mercer is a little stuck up doncha know, what with keeping his shoes on when he needs to count past twelve," said town Mayor Bob Gunderfoundermesserralphensen, "but they come up here to Minnesota all the time now so we're used to their high falutin' ways, oh sure. Of course there was that time Mr. Meadow threw up my wife's Tuna Hot Dish at the ice cream social, but you know, she didn't use any Campbell's Cream of Mushroom soup so, oh sure, it wasn't as good."
Wall Street, closed for the Memorial Day weekend, opened Tuesday to the news of IRREVERENT moving by sending shares of A Certain Other Satirical News Weekly, Inc. (NYSE: CRAP) soaring. The gains were given back later in the day however once mysterious rumors began circulating that several of the "writers" were key backers of the new Dutch party.
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