IRREVERENT News

WASHINGTON - Today President Obama threatened to unleash more "words of encouragement" targeted at middle-schoolers.

Following quickly on the heels of his first terrifying threat to address school children across the nation, sources within the White House today confirmed that the President has another talk "in the works" to give "words of encouragement and hope" to middle-school children throughout America.  Reaction to this latest threat -- the so-called "M.O.A.B. of Positivity" -- has already swept a still devestated globe.

"I cannot and will not believe that this man [President Obama] would do this again to children," said Ivan McIverson, president and C.E.O. of the McIverson Consulting Group, a conservative K-Street law firm. "Didn't he learn the lesson that the American people will not tolerate such intolerant words of hope?"

"I'm horrified that the President won't let the wounds heal from his first attempt to encourage the nation's children," said Joanna Smith-Lumly of Focus On Family, a Washington think-tank.  "In my mind, this is equivalent to a terrorist attack."

Meanwhile, overseas reaction was sharply negative."We simply will not tolerate these messages of tolerance and respect!" said Mu'ab al-Israbian, the Lebanese Radical Cleric and leader of the Unified Front of Islamofacism (U.F.I.).  "He should quit while he is behind and follow the belligerent idiocy of the previous administration.  We understood that."

Others, inconceivably saw the threatened talk in a somewhat "positive" light.  "How in the hell has the President addressing kids become something, anything worth protesting at all?" asked Tim "Triple-T" Timothy-Timmons, White House Deputy Assistant Press Secretary.  "You people need to seriously get a grip on reality.  Look past your ideology for just a second: the President wants to chat with the kids for christsake, are you insane?"